Monthly Archives

May 2017

Books

A good book has no ending…Favorite Reads

A good book has no ending…

Reading is my inhale. Choosing a favorite book is like picking a favorite son.  It isn’t possible.  Therefore this post will be turned into a page on this site, and I will continue to add good books as I stumble across them.  The list will be ever growing and a little mixed.

Stop what you’re doing and go read The Mark of the Lion series. You need to redeem yourself anyways for reading Twilight and 50 Shades. Just get through the first few chapters and you’ll be hooked. Trust me. (Then read Redeeming Love by FR)

Curl up with this one. You’ll actually feel it hug you as you read it. Present over perfect beloved friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jen Hatmaker speaks my love language, dramatic hyperbole. I understand her well, more importantly, it seems she understands me. Or at least that’s the feeling I get when reading her books. Read this, then jump into the deep end of grace. *Great audio version as well.

A great novel that will hook you quickly! The sequel is coming out in July!

Having a bad day? Let Jon Gordon fix it with any book of his. This is an energizing, motivating read. The audible version of this is amazing as well.

This book was recommended at a crucial time in my life. Love it. Quote it often. Consider this your recommendation.

This book is why I parent so perfectly. 🙂          My copy of this book, and the teen version, are dog eared on my nightstand. A great reference book for when your kiddos mess up. Hit the pause button and go find the chapter that applies!

You’ll either love me or hate me for recommending this book. Just choose to love me ok? The details in this book are revealed so beautifully. The story is an emotional one and a bit heavy. “…I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.” <3

A friend gave me this book years ago and it remains a favorite. It’s a beautiful, true story of everyday magic. Even if you don’t agree with her logic or believe her story. This world would be boring if we all had the same opinion.

A great read for Boy Moms! The same author wrote “Love and Respect” (the best relationship book ever. Seriously. Get off the crazy cycle and read it). This is applying the same respect principal to our little men.

Jeannette’s memoir is a “remarkable memoir of residence and redemption”. You will be in awe of what she has lived through and overcome. I couldn’t love this more.

Love Does is one of the loveliest, most authentic books. Bob Goff has a magical way of sneaking in lessons about Jesus, life, and love. I’ve read/listened to this book 9 times. Read it sister. Then read it again. www.lovedoes.org

Get ready to fall in love with Corrie Ten Boom. She is not only a survivor of Hilter’s concentration camps, but a lover and teacher of all that is good and holy. Her walk with God was a deep one we can all learn from.

A heart warming story of his gift of experience while bringing awareness to a great need…packed full of golden nuggets & life lessons throughout these pages. You will be changed and inspired. Lots of healing tears. “When circumstances drag on you, weighing you down to the point you think you can’t take another step, muster your courage, stay strong and keep walking. Don’t walk only when it’s convenient; don’t merely walk till you get tired; keep walking through it all. Walk to beautiful.”

It’s Willie. Need I say more? What’s funny is that this book actually made me a Willie fan!

A favorite, amazing author. Wall makes you feel, think, and ponder. In real time. This book is a “brutiful” southern family saga, written with such feeling, such emotion, that you get tied up in the story, in the characters, in the events.

May 26, 2017 by
Uncategorized

Only Love is Real

Only love is real.

That’s what I quipped to a friend the other day.  I was attempting to soothe her troubled heart and instead I confused the heck out of us both.

“Only love is real” sounds nice.  However, this child of mine acting like a jerk this morning feels irritatingly real.  My hurt feelings from the slander of a family member feels deeply legit.  My friend living here on earth while her son went on to heaven sadly seems real.  And yet the loving hippie says, nope.  Only love.  That’s all that’s real folks.

A friend was visiting me last weekend when she received a phone call from home.  It was her daughter, crying because the neighbor kid had hurt her feelings.  The words cried to her Momma were, “My heart is broken and all crumbly!”   Tell that angel baby her sadness isn’t real.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore a good inspirational quote.  The grassier and more earthy sounding it is, the more I eat it up.  Yes!  Only love IS real.  Preach on Pinterest, a grateful heart IS a magnet for miracles!  Be the change you wish to see.  Yes, all of that.  Add that sticky note to my mirror pronto.

I’ve learned, with age (and therapy), how to process my feelings.  To dissect a specific emotion to the core and figure out where exactly this secondary emotion stems from.  It’s always such a fun activity (insert eye roll).  For a gal who is just trying to live a good and simple life, it’s exhausting yet helpful.

Anger is just Sad’s bodyguard.  Alright, so where do I go with this sadness?

Through it.   When we mask our pain with other things, it just prolongs the healing.

Think of an injury on your arm, at some point after being treated, it just needs air to dry up and heal.  If we keep covering it so we don’t see the ugliness, the infection only gets worse.   During childbirth, I can’t imagine asking for a prettier hospital gown to cover all this icky pain up…push this baby OUT!

When we were going through the divorce, I spent many a night on my friend’s back porch.  She would sit with me and listen.  She let me vent, yell, cry, talk, and when I questioned what to do next, she would quietly say, “Just keep walking”.   Ok Dory, but when I say I am paralyzed, I mean I can barely get myself dressed.  Yet, if you tell me all I must focus on is one foot in front of the other?  Okay, I’ll try that.  Don’t give me anything harder.

Just keep walking, through the pain…that’s the only way to the other side.  And there is another side. Maybe not completely pain free, but we’ve never been promised that.

Numbing the pain only makes it more intense when you finally feel it.  And it only makes your therapy bill larger.  (Trust me on this one.)  Sit with the pain for a bit.  Feel your way through it friend, until nothing is left there to stunt your growth.  For me, this is freedom.  And freedom feels like a healthy environment to grow in.

Follow me down this path if you will….

My husband came into our marriage with the most beautiful blonde lab, Honey.  Honey Bun is a well-trained hunting dog.   She obeys commands like a boss.  And it drives me crazy.

“Honey, do you want to come in?”

Honey –> I don’t know, you haven’t told me what I want yet.

“Honey, in or out?  Let’s make up our mind love.”

Honey –> Waiting on your command Mom.

“Honey, Here.”

Honey runs in.

As a 38 year old who has worked to un-train my brain, this drives me BATTY.  I want Honey to think for herself, figure out her needs, and let me know what she wants and how she feels.  Dive in deep Honey! Ask yourself, do you want to come in to the cool AC or would you rather enjoy the evening outside?  I know her obedience is nice and necessary, but good grief.  Help me, help YOU Honey!

Honey thinks with her obedient head, she is practically a robot.  A beautiful robot.  I don’t think we were created to be robots.  I believe we were given a head, heart, and gut (intuition) to help us navigate this journey.  All important roles, we just need to figure out which will lead today.

When in doubt, I choose the gut or heart.  My head seems to overthink, over analyze…which leads to being paralyzed.  Yet, our hearts feel deeply.  Our hearts know love while our heads try to explain it.  Our heads try to organize, categorize, and process the simple act of love while our hearts simply smile and accept it.

Perhaps they say that only love is real because that’s all we take with us when our time here is done.   After all is dissected down to the tiniest core, you’ll simply find love.

Only love is real friends, even when our hearts are crumbly.

Simply put, it is the only thing that matters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

May 19, 2017 by
Lessons, Uncategorized

Strength in our weak spots

I wonder if my angels groan more than others.  I sometimes envision the other angels laughingly elbow my angel in the ribs and saying, “Boy Uriel, you’ve got your hands full with that stubborn one.”   I do whisper prayers of appreciation, but perhaps a hand written thank you note with a Starbucks gift card would better suffice.

When I was 4 and my cousin was 5, it seemed we tested our angels a lot.  After watching Mary Poppins, we grabbed a couple of umbrellas from our grandmothers closet and headed to the rooftop of their house to take flight.  I don’t remember how we climbed on top of the house (details that are simply irrelevant), but I do recollect standing up there, umbrella bloomed, looking down to the ground and thinking it would be best to let my older cousin jump first.

You know, age before beauty.

So, with umbrella in hand, Cole jumped into the sky.  I watched with anticipation, thinking about all the places we would visit once we could fly.  My plans to see the world were quickly squashed as Cole plummeted to the ground.   Some people just weren’t meant to live in the clouds.

I’ve yet to try it, the jury is still out on this girl.

Brooker-T and P-Cole Payne

A silly little story to illustrate the “Groans that words cannot express.”, which is my defense mechanism.  It’s what I do to survive and thrive. I make heavy things light.  Sometimes life gets too weighted.  God is gracious to intercede.

Out of all the marvels and systems our Creator has made; next to grace, this one feels the kindest.  This whole interceding thing.  If I even knew the words to pray, could you hear them from this pit?  Most times the words are lacking because we can’t envision a solution.  Yet, the Spirit intercedes.  We are so tired in our weak places, we have run out of words to pray.   Perhaps we are just tired from the pure exhaustion of dealing with it or maybe our hearts are completely shattered from devastation.

The best way I’ve heard weak, lonely, and hopelessness described as, was found in the Unglued devotional by Lysa Terkeurst:

“Weak places are like the lever that flips open the drain in my bathtub.  My whole world can feel full and warm and clean until that little lever is pulled.  Suddenly, the warm comfort is sucked away, leaving me shivering in a cold, hard, residue-filled space.  Cold, hard, and residue-filled is exactly what those weak places make me feel like inside.”

Cold, hard, and residue filled.  Weak, sad, and consumed with turmoil.

When life brings oppression, sometimes it is all I can do to just sit and stare.  Par-A-Lyzed.  I would make for a great possum.

Those times, the energy to press into my Creator feels non-existent.  Yet, that is exactly when we have assurance that the Spirit is present in our weakness, letting us rest as it prays for and over us.

A recent situation had me staring at more walls than I want to admit to.  The rocking chair was practically worn out.  As a “Fight or Flight” recoveree, I usually struggle to sit still.  This time, sitting was no struggle.  The fight had left, the warm water had drained out, and I sat in the cold, hard, soap scum tub.  I don’t have the answers.  I don’t even know how to pray.  Words and solutions fail me. So, I grip tight to the teaching, “with groans that words cannot express”, the Spirit is interceding for all involved.

Thank you Creator.  Thank you Spirit.  Thank you Angels.  Thank you lessons. (Dang you Mary Poppins.)

**For those worried about my cousin Cole, he lived.  However, he still cannot fly.

May 8, 2017 by