Practice the Pause

For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.”  1 Cor 14:33

Disorder = chaos, mess, confusion, disarray, shambles, discombobulation.

I cannot breathe during times of chaos.  I can function, because I am a mom, thus giving up the option of bailing during messy times.  I am a functioning champ on auto-pilot during times of disorder, but I cannot breathe.  As it turns out, breathing is necessary to live peacefully.

To invite peace into your life, you must step off the Crazy Cycle. And make a conscious decision to not participate in the games anymore.  I’ve gotten off of the Crazy ride before, but didn’t step away – thinking that was enough.  But, the cars on the Ferris Wheel continued to bump the backside of my head on each turn of the ride.  I’ve never been accused of being a fast learner.  Friend, don’t just stand beside the exit sign, walk away.

Walking away is always sad. Especially if you are accustomed and conditioned to the chaos.

Walking away takes bravery and courage. Walking away isn’t giving up, it is setting boundaries.  Boundaries are healthy, with perimeters that can bring peace towards a situation that hasn’t been resolved.

A friend lovingly referred me to the book, “Keep your Love On!” by Danny Silk.  In it he states, “If you cannot set boundaries with “consumers” (of your time and energy), you are going to be exploited.”  Ring a bell?  The wrapped package for me ended with “The more you respect the value of your own life by cultivating your garden, the more you will create an atmosphere of respect around you.”  Respect doesn’t look like selfish agendas or manipulation.  For the love of yourself, your family, and your sanity – respect your values.

I’ve learned the long, dusty way, that my words are safer if I keep them.  When I hold on to them, they can’t be twisted and turned into something they weren’t used for.  Miscommunication is one thing, but taking words and turning them to fit into your agenda is a whole ‘nother ballgame.  It’s mean and spiteful.  I’ve been guilty of doing it myself, until I recognized this behavior and knew better.

We’ve all been in conflict and used a line, spoken out of context, against another.  Almost as a tag line, a defensive one.  “I mean, and then they said this…”, said with a sad look, expecting to invoke sympathy.   Just stop.  Own your part. Get off the wheel.  Go lick your wounds in your own corner, with your safe people.  Then get up, and move on.  Walk towards peace.  Forgive.  Forgive when it’s hard.  Forgive if it’s only for your own peace of mind.

I wish passive aggressive would be recognized and treated like the plague.  I recognized how passive aggressive I am with my sarcasm only when I married someone who doesn’t own a passive aggressive bone. In his whole, handsome body.  Black and white with no passive gray.  I love the black and white, it is safe, I know where everything stands.  While I appreciate his black and white, I don’t live there, I reside a lot in the shades between.  Not just the short, gray side, but the whole rainbow side.  We balance each other.

Learning to separate passive aggressive from my sarcasm has been more difficult than learning the Chinese language.  I’m still progressing.  I reach for sarcasm more than chocolate somedays.  This is more of a confession than a proud stance.  Sarcasm is a love language of mine that keeps the world at bay, it is a much-needed buffer.  Hubs doesn’t speak this love language, and sometimes that requires a translator for us to communicate.

Pause. That’s the key.  Not your circus, not your monkeys?  Pause.  When the monkeys belong to you?  Take one-hot-minute to pause, to gather and ground yourself before you reply.  Otherwise you are going to do what you have always done, thus another round on the Crazy Cycle Ferris Wheel.  And those rounds are enough to make anyone nauseous.

Practice the pause. Learn to love the pause.  Allow yourself to grow within the pause.  Breathe in the peace, and exhale the chaos. Chaos will eat you alive, it will block your view of the beauty that this life is filled with.  Pause and breathe.  I love the thought that deep breaths are like little love notes to your body.  Pause to send your body affirmations of love and peace.

“Loving yourself through the process of owning your story is the bravest thing you’ll ever do.”  Brene Brown

You are valued my friend.

You are so brave.

And everyone deserves to have their boundaries respected.

Now, kindly follow the exit signs on your right, and get your butt off the Crazy Cycle Ferris Wheel.  We hoped you enjoyed your ride.