A spiritual, intentional life isn’t one without drama. However, it can be one without cheap drama. I’ve arrived at this lesson slower than a tortoise, but with burnt hands, I lift them and say no more to cheap drama.
You can do the same.
Here is the deal…Life naturally brings drama.
Some of your best and most loved people are going to pass on to the next life, without your permission. Your beloved pets too. When you are healing from these deep cuts, life can still teach you even more heart ache. Grey’s Anatomy taught us that real life drama takes few breaks. Remember Denny? I’m still not over losing him.
Your heart is going to break several times in this life. It is also going to mend – never the same, but shockingly, it pieces back together in a similar shape. Covered in wounds and scars which give it texture. And stories that can create tenderness or bitterness, depending on which we choose.
Your plate is going to be full. Your kids are going to be crazy. In fact, if you are a mom, or parent children in any way, you will learn our darlings come packaged with their own level of drama. Tied with a ribbon labeled “You’re Welcome.”
People are going to dislike you. Forsake you. You will be misrepresented in a few tales. Some people will try to hand you their messes.
The good news is you can say no and turn away from cheap drama. Your no can be silent yet definite. You don’t have to make a point or lesson for another, you can choose differently and hand them back their own work to do.
Here is what I want you to picture the next time someone hands you their own, personal junk to deal with for them – visualize them handing you their chewed up gum. Are you going to open your hand and take their already-been-chewed gum? Heck (and hopefully) no. They aren’t your children and you aren’t in church. Why would you want their germy, ABC gum anyway? It’s not your gum to chew, hold, or throw away for them. Which leads me to this little gem…
DO. YOUR. OWN. WORK.
You don’t have to explain yourself or show up for every argument you are invited into. Here is another thing (fellow Ennegram 2’s, hear me loudly on this one) ….you don’t even have to save everyone. As shocking as this is going to sound, buckle down and hear me say – They will live without you handling this for them.
You cannot do their work for them. Even if they bring you their homework to complete, they will not pass the test. How could they? We don’t know the material unless we dig in and do our own dang work. It will short change their own growth and lesson to do it for them. Growing is hard. It’s natural to try to bypass it and hand it off for someone else to handle.
Steven Pressfield writes,
“Any support we get from persons of flesh and blood is like Monopoly money; it’s not legal tender in the sphere where we have to do our work. In fact, the more energy we spend stoking up on the support from colleagues and loved ones, the weaker we become and the less capable of handling our business.”
Pretty sure he just beautifully said, “Do your work. When we depend on others to do it for us, it only makes us weak.”
My husband is a natural fixer and doer. This works great for me, as I really like being a woman. I love letting him fix things, it makes me feel tiny and dainty. There are many times I am capable of performing a task, but know he could and would do it so much faster. So, I let him. Which has weakened my skills at a number of things, including opening my own doors. Sometimes I walk straight into doors, flabbergasted that it didn’t open up for me, only to realize that Chad isn’t with me and sometimes I need to open my own dang door. Also, I’m not that dainty.
As parents, we know that when we get in the way of our child’s lessons, we are short changing their growth. We can hinder the adults in our lives in the same way. Let them do their work. And you do yours.
For any friend going through a truly traumatic or hard time, grab a Kleenex and take their gum from them. For cheap drama – lovingly, hand it back.
