The gentleness of Jesus is always what brings me back to His teachings. His humility and love, His simple way of looking at things. On the spectrum of Jesus, I’ve occupied a lot of different spots – a fan, a hopeless skeptic, a follower, a stubborn brat, a believer, a disobedient wanderer, an admirer, frustrated, confused, and in awe of Him. In my early adulthood, I got tired of trying to figure Jesus out, so I quit. I laid Him down for awhile as I would a book that was too long or hard to read. I felt He was too complicated and I was never going to able to please Him.
In the Chris Tomlin song, he describes Jesus as;
Who walks on the waters
Who speaks to the sea
Who stands in the fire beside me”
It is almost too good to believe that One with the power to walk on the water and speak to the sea, would still have the gentle lamb-like humility and love to stand in the fire beside me. Not just standing beside me, but wanting me to know and believe I have power through him.
What has broken my heart more than anything on my spiritual journey is what has been referred to as the “Christian Machine”. So much in fact that I have found myself pausing before labeling myself a Christian. What I will claim is clinging to and learning from the teachings of Jesus.
Please don’t read judgement in that last paragraph, for I have played a part in the legalistic machine as well. Years ago, I sat with a friend, crying over the death of her mother, and then she asked me if I thought her mom was in heaven. I mentally checked my Christian Rules and Regulation handbook made by man and replied, “No”. I completely based this on the way she died. I had never met her mom, nor did I know her heart. Such ignorance took the place of love. Even though I have since gone back to fix it, the posture and judgement of my heart grieves me to this day. I think Jesus grieved that day as well.
As Bob Goff says, “We keep pushing people off of the roofs that we need to be lowering them down from.” There is enough love for everyone, it multiplies when used, and it never, ever divides.
Above all, love each other deeply…” I Peter 4:8
It’s as simple as Jesus said love. I have a gay son, and it is well with my soul. There have been some things we have had to unpack and work out, but God was so gracious to give me a peace from Night One. (When hard things come in my life, I can’t help but count the days. My friend Amy says we know we will be okay when we wake up and forget to count. It’s true.) It wasn’t a peace that took away the questions, pain, or fear for his future – but it is a bottom line peace. A peace that says all will be fine because he is mine, perfectly and wonderfully made. The saddest part about him telling me that he was gay was the first sentence, “Mom, I’m a Christian, but I’m also gay and I don’t know where that leaves me.” It was a failing report card on exactly what I had taught him about Jesus. Forgive me Creator. Jesus said love, so I’ve added His love on top of my Momma love and it is truly well with my soul.
I know what the bible says – so please don’t quote it to me. For if you do, I’ll gently weed through your rule book and point you to Jesus’s bottom line. Love. Above all else. (On the days I’m struggling to love you, I’ll just point to my “Mama Bear” bracelet. Because every mother has a mission; to love, guide and protect her family. Don’t mess with her while she’s on it.)
Listen, I’m a front row student on this – and some days back row, sleeping behind my text book. We all have our quicksand – life is sweet, we are walking along, loving the mess out of life and people…then boom, quicksand. We step into it without even realizing it and is sucks the love straight out of us. What’s left is rating and judging. It’s easy for me to love our family stuff, but yours? Eww. How about when we feel unloved, yet are still called to love? What does that look like for you? Hard. That’s what it looks like for me. My nerves can be sat on faster than a hot knife through butter. I believe we all would be happier and more whole if we each had a Love Snuggie. Our arms would be free to be the hands and to do the love work, while our heart and core would be wrapped in the warmth of a love-snuggie hug. Just think about it, it might be a great addition to your capsule wardrobe. Nowadays they come in all sorts of prints and patterns, even leopard.
If none of this sparked a love fire in you, let me come at it from a different angle. Beauty tips. Loving and carrying for others reveals the best version of ourselves. Which means our prettiest, youngest looking version. Better than any wrinkle cream. For reals. Just test it.
Let’s open our hearts, blow out the dust and allow it to be filled with love. If we are judging, we are not loving. If we aren’t loving, then we aren’t pointing to the teachings of Jesus. We may end up in quicksand from time to time, yet we always have a choice to reach for the love rope to pull us back out. Grab the robe, hoist yourself out and start loving. I doubt we would ever regret such a decision.
Loving you BIG friend.
*I will eventually share some of my writings regarding our journey with Mason coming out almost two years ago. He has given me permission from the beginning, I am just choosing to respect and honor the space of what is intimate on this journey. Until I feel that time is right, my ears and heart are always open for anyone on a similar journey needing a safe place to chat. Or a hug because life is sweet but sometimes hard.
