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perfection

Authenticity, Brave, Clothing, Family, Lessons, Parenting, perfection

The Depth Finder

Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls…” Psalms 42:7

As the kiddos have entered into the teen years, we started to feel them slip away from spending as much time with us, the parentals.  I’m sure you are as shocked at this news as we were. They didn’t get the memo that we are totes cool.  We were sad about this fact since we really kinda like those kids.  So, in a desperate attempt to attract teenagers back to the fold – we bought a boat.  Worked like a charm – yolo.

My favorite feature on the boat is the depth finder, it seriously amazes me.  However, the infatuation I have with that little tool of information is distracting to everyone else on board.  Especially since I usually end up sitting wherever there isn’t a kid, tucked in a corner where it’s hard for the Hubs to hear me yell, “Chad!  How deep is it here?”

He will mouth back, “Huh?”  Then point to his ear and shake his head – the universal code for “I can’t hear you.”

I’ll repeat my question until he slows the boat down enough to hear me and then give me the answer.  The answer is always followed with one of my children rolling their adorable eyes and telling their friend on board, “She is obsessed with the depth finder.”  Imagine this scenario on repeat x 101.  It only took us a whole summer to come up with a code for my same ol’ question, because we are quick problem solvers.

Look at those teens, WITH their parents. #winning

It’s fascinating and terrifying that there can be 86 feet of water under us one minute then, without a sign or warning bell, it goes to 23 feet deep.  I just need to know where we figuratively stand with this water thing.  My friend Christine would feel better if the lake could be drained, just for a day or so, then we could see exactly what is under the boat.  I think this plan is brilliant, no matter how crazy the Corp of Engineers think we are.

I wish people came with a depth finder gauge.  Think of all the small talk we could cut down on – we could fit so much more in our day if we simply checked their depth gauge to determine if it is worth the energy of a chat or not.  I have a friend who is honest enough to admit she has a disdain for small talk, and claims to be horrible at it.  She is best suited in the deep waters of conversation, this has found to be true.  She can give you several embarrassing examples of her attempt of the task.  Word to those who want to converse with her – throw on a lifejacket and doggie paddle out to the deep.  I love this about her and, for the majority of the time, I am dog paddling out there alongside my friend.

In my own life, there are areas I can go as deep as the ocean, and then others I’m about a shallow as a kiddie pool.  My most shallow moments show up while organizing family photos – the highlight of every mother’s year.

Since a young age, I always wanted three boys. What I did not account for was planning boys outfits for family photos. Especially now that they are all basically the same sizes, and throw fits when I try to dress one in burgundy colored jeans to pull in the color from the other kiddo’s plaid shirt (Sorry son, sometimes you have to take one for the team, just think of it as a character building moment).  It isn’t trendy or cool to completely match, we have to simply coordinate. Coordinating is supposed to look seamless, almost as an afterthought.  Kind of like we all showed up, looked down at our clothes and airily laughed that we all wore the same color scheme, how precious.

It is freaking hard. Gone are the “Everyone throw on a black shirt with your jeans, and let’s go take a picture.” days. I miss the Aussie hair product family’s advertisements, where they proved how simple and fun matchy-matchy family photos could be.  Gone are the simple times with robes.

Nothing says “Happy Family” like matching robes. Nothing.

For our 2017 family photos, I text the oldest darling at work and said, “What are you wearing tomorrow for family pictures?”  We went back and forth discussing what he had and what we might need to shop for that night. T-minus 22 hours before execution.  I informed him we were going with grays, warm neutrals, with a pop of red. He replied that we had already done red. I reminded him that was maroon, and his little brother had asked to do red for years and we had ignored him. Mason said, “Fine. But what kind of red are we talking about – Blood red, Lorena red, or like a muted red?”  You see how I’m used to the deep waters of topics and conversations.

By the time we actually show up for family photos, I’ve given up on caring about the perfect-nice-normal-family photos.  The pop of red was thrown out (sorry bud, maybe next year) and we just smiled.  No matter my level of stress, the photos always turn out amazing, because any photo with my babies captured in it usually is.  They are just handsome little suckers that will always have my heart, no matter the depth of our current water.  Also, I might have had a wine spritzer inside of my yeti to help me chill out – this is just an assumption, not an admission.

See? Perfection.

To be authentically you, one has to be the same at 1 ft. of depth than you are at 80 ft.  Authentic – who doesn’t love people who are described by that adjective?  To show your real self, to live in your own skin and stand in the truth of who and whose you are is the best gift to give the world. And yourself.  To put it eloquently, you do you boo.  I’ve frequented both levels on my journey -swimming in the deep or wadding in the kiddie pool, and I’ll take deep waters over shallowness any day.  Each come with their own scary stuff (Jaws and alligators – both equally as terrifying), but life is less peopley in the deep end, there is much less chatter.  For that fact alone, swim out sister. After family photos of course.

* 2017 Photos by Taylor Nicole Photography

**Not the Aussie Hair family photo…that was produced by google.

 

 

 

 

 

Family, Forgivness, Grace, Hope, Lessons, Love, Parenting, perfection, Prayer, Renewed

Sanitized Martha and Transforming Grace

Sunday morning started down a rough path…beginning on Saturday.  The oldest darling had sent me a text stating what his weekend plans were (with him now being an adult and all).  I replied that his social calendar was fine with me as long as he was asking and not telling, and that we were planning on going to church the next morning, so to make sure and factor that in. The whining that began was enough to make you want to donate your ears.  The arguments ranged from, “This is my only day this week to sleep in”, to “I don’t have anything clean to wear” to finally, “Are we going to the really EARLY service??”.

Irritated, (as he only goes to church with us twice a month due to our co-parenting schedule) I informed the entitled, overgrown tyke that we were going to the same service we always went to, then followed up with a short text telling him, “Don’t be a butt”.  Only I didn’t say butt.  Jesus fill the gaps.  (Feel free to message or email me for any further mothering tips.)  May God help me recognize earlier when to insert gentle teaching moments, as I clearly have some parental growing to do.  That is a scary realization when you have teenagers and hear the clock ticking down on your job being mostly done.

Mason has always referred to me as the “Blind Side Mom”, and I now see why.  I thought he had always based it on the “Get your feet off my dash.” line in the movie, also the fact that I will take in anyone – whether they have two legs or four.  I want to focus more on the opportunities for grace-filled, building moments and less snap-you-up moments.

Have you ever noticed that your attitude can sometimes determine your circumstances, and always seems to have a say on your outcome?  Obviously I haven’t.  No doubt, my attitude laid the foundation of our Sunday morning (starting on Saturday).  Mason was meeting us at church, since he had stayed the night with a friend.  McCray had decided to drop his brain in the toilet, which short circuited his memory into forgetting what he is allowed to wear to church and walked out to the car looking like we were headed to basketball practice.  “WHAT are you wearing?” is a sentence I learned not to waste my time on with boys, due to it never being answered with a good reason, but I relapsed.  I was stressed because my morning started with getting full out dressed (aka wash, dry, AND fix my hair…angels be near.) and load the car with all the fixings for Sunday lunch with it being my week to cook.

By the time we got to church, I felt as though I had fought my way out of a fierce swarm of bees, with some stingers still tucked inside my skin.  Irritation was written all over my body.  I might as well have been on a 24-hour college bender, because that’s how tired I felt.  Was the fuss even worth it?  It’s so peopley here today, with all these perfect families.  What did I just teach these boys with my attitude about them getting here to worship our God who is into simplicity?   Good grief, what a missed opportunity.

Then, we sang a song with the chorus that sings,

O church, come stand in the light.  The glory of God has defeated the night.”.

All the stings, given and received, and the past eighteen hours melted – like holy calgon, taking it away.  They say that hope begins when you stand in the dark, looking out at the light.  I believe hope is also realizing that our notion of a sanitized, perfect Christianity isn’t really what Jesus taught or intended us to strive for.  Hope is a whisper that says, “Come stand in the light beloved, no matter how dirty you feel.”

I had spent the last two days getting worked up that my boys didn’t have the right attitude about church or dress perfectly for church, that I missed an opportunity to attract them TO the church – the act of worship and the practice of filling your bucket.   Oh Martha, dear Martha, why do you have to show up here again?

When McCray was an infant, I started (note started, didn’t finish) the bible study, “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World”, based on the story of the sisters in Luke 10.  I not only identified with Martha, but I felt so sorry for her.  Everyone was being so hard on her, wanting her to be more like her sister.  Clearly Mary wasn’t going to cook, clean, and prepare for Jesus, so who did that leave?  Martha!  I want to have a pep rally for Martha, or create a power point explaining her perspective, because every time I read the story, I see myself in her actions and frustrations.

Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing.  One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it – it’s the main course, and it won’t be taken from her.”  Luke 10:41-42 (The Message Bible)

There is no space for sanitized Christanity in transforming grace. Transformations are messy, yet grace can clean better than a Roomba and bleach.  Grace can easily tackle messy foundations and sanitized surfaces. Poor Martha’s wholehearted service got tangled up in sanitation while Mary did the good thing and sat at the feet of grace Himself.  Grace says to our Martha moments, “You are worried and troubled by many things, but choose the GOOD part.  Calm down and come sit down, right at My feet beloved.”

I think I heard grace also say, “Who in tarnation cares what that boy is wearing, we are aiming for his heart, not his fashion sense”.  I’m pretty positive I heard that whispered.  God is into simplicity.  Let’s join Him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Character, OCD, perfection

Character over Perfection

Character over perfection.  This has been my summer mantra.   For good reason.

I would like to return my form of OCD in exchange for a more useful prescription of it.

Some of my favorite memories were spent laid out on a blanket in my grandparents living room floor.  Them, relaxing in their recliners.  Nannymom, my great-grandmother, curled up on her corner of the couch.  My reserved spot was sprawled out in front of the TV, with my favorite stuffed animals.  The Cabbage Patch dolls were big fans of Dallas and Dynasty like the rest of us.  I completely missed who shot JR, due to obsessively smoothing out the wrinkles in my blanket.  My jester grandfather delighted in my irritation by stepping on my blanket, creating a wrinkle, just as I had gotten it perfect.  The next 7 minutes were spent straightening it back out, pretending my hand was an iron, over and over, until it was creaseless again.

In recent years, I mentioned this while sharing a story with a therapist friend.  Her reply was, “Really? We should process that sometime.”  Huh?  Did you hear my story?  What could there possibly be to process in this scenario?  Who wants to sit on a wrinkled-up blanket?  Clearly this behavior of control and perfection is completely normal.

My husband and I have a joke that I am not high maintenance on anyone but myself.  And by joke, I mean, he is completely serious.  This means I don’t expect others to prepare things how I like it, I’ll do it.  Besides, it would take too long for me to tell you how to do it correctly. This is my confession.

Wouldn’t it be so neat if everyone could sit on their own blanket, and I could just sit on mine.  If you choose to have wrinkles on your magic blanket, then you are bat-flip crazy.  Nevertheless, you do you friend…on your blanket. That would be my perfect scenario, but that isn’t life.   Life is messy, and there are more spots of quicksand than there are smooth, soft blankets.

I was reminded of my quirky ways last week while packing for a four-day meditation retreat in Colorado.  In the email, I was told to pack comfy clothes; yoga pants, shorts, t-shirts, and a sweatshirt.  We were aiming for comfort, headed to the mountains to be one with nature.  It took me no less than 2 hours to pack one small suitcase, a backpack, and a travel purse.

At one point in the packing frenzy, I walked through the living room looking for sympathy, and mentioned I was so tired of packing.  My husband’s reply was, “You should be.”  He is known to be sweetly subtle.  Hubs just doesn’t understand that it takes a WHILE to pick out all my favorite tees, and pair each one with a pullover, jeans AND shorts…just in case Mother Nature couldn’t make up her mind that day.  I needed my sunless tanning system, as you can agree it would be a tragedy to lose my tan while tucked away in the aspen trees.  I shouldn’t have to explain the need for my portable steamer, you know how I feel about wrinkles.

As my suitcase ran out of space, I sent my cousin a quick text to see if she was bringing a blow dryer.  She wasn’t, but said she would pack hers for me.  Awesome.  Wait, what if her blow dryer didn’t have an ion setting?  I should probably just bring my own.  Along with my curling iron.  And straightener.  My hair has to be so confused by now.  Naturally curly hair, but blowed dried straight, flat ironed, then loosely re-curled.  I’m surprised each hair on my head hasn’t jumped ship by now.  Dear hair, thank you for being a friend.

This picky, quirky behavior is not the impression that I like to give off.  I’d rather come off as a laid-back, chill gal.   For the most part I am…regarding you.  I have no expectations projected on you.  But, when it comes to myself, I’m total maintenance.  I work really hard to hide my desire to have everything just so, by doing most of my work under the radar.  Still, the people who have actually traveled WITH me should be added to your prayer list.

I have several friends, who were blessed with a handy form of OCD.  Some leave their houses spotless every morning; not a dish in the sink, every bed in the house is beautifully made, everything glistens like a real-life Disney movie.

As wacky and OCD as I am, I didn’t get this useful portion of it.  My strand looks like;

–  How can I leave for work when my photo album closet is in shambles?

–  How will my children know I love them if I don’t finish their summer chatbooks to document their camps?

–  I simply cannot start on my to-do list today with my jewelry cabinet in the situation it’s in….the gold is touching the silver and it just gives me the creeps.

–  Why is that gray shirt hanging with the white shirts in my color-coded closet??  Clearly we have had a break-in, I’d better go check the locks.  Again.  For the 32nd time.

–  I can’t write this morning with my floors looking like I just shaved our dogs on their way out the back door.

Yet, I can leave my bed looking like a tornado hit it, and I’m okay with this.  My friend, Christine, told me that an unmade bed is actually healthy, it gives your sheets a chance to breath.  I’m gonna go with this theory.

Surely, I have some redeeming qualities as well, but it’s not my job in this space to try to dig those up.   Character over perfection.   Surely, quirky counts for character right?

What if we could let go of the perfection and embrace the character?  Perfection controls while character grows.

*On a side note – while in the mountains, I didn’t once dig out my sunless tanning system.  There is something spiritual about letting go and embracing your authentic, normal colored self.  Big lessons.  This guy didn’t mind at all…

As expected, my steamer was put to good use.  Sleep well friend, not a wrinkle in sight.