Fashion, Favorite Things, Makeup, Textured Threads, Uncategorized

Bronze Me.

 

Get your hands ready to clutch some pearls sister.  I am a 39 year old gal who spent her early years in a tanning bed. And loved it.  I even owned one.  The search to find something as relaxing as laying in that tanning bed has been unsuccessful.  There wasn’t a lot better than my skin warming while the fan blew on my burning skin, singing along with whatever song was playing. However, I did find a solution for a tan that doesn’t give you cancer and age you like the UV rays do.  But please, I don’t want to hear about all the toxins being absorbed through the skin. Go elsewhere Fun&Beauty Police, just let me have my tan.

I hope that when my time is up, someone makes sure my sunless tanner is perfect before my body is viewed.  Help a sister out…m’kay?

Here are a few of my favorites.  I alternate them because sometimes my skin catches on to my silly ways, and occasionally stops participating with one self tanner.  So, I’ll give it a break and use a different one for a bit.

My ol’ faithful…

The great thing about THIS one is you can see the bronze as it is applied. It comes with the mitt shown above and 2 latex gloves.  You’ll need to put the gloves on, then the mitt.  Spray the bronzer into the mitt, and then apply.  As with all self tanners, let it soak in and dry for about 8 hours before you shower.

I don’t use it on my face, just up to my neck.  For my face and neck, I use THIS ONE BELOW.  I only use this about 1-2 times a week.  On the days that I use this, it takes the place of my morning or night cream.  If it is in the morning, I let it dry and then apply my sun screen.  Apply with gloves.

My current self tanner is a tad more expensive, but it has lasted awhile and there is still plenty left!   It’s by St. Tropez, and is a mousse.  It is also bronze, so you can see where you have applied it and if there are any streaks to work out.  It is always good to apply in a circular motion.  Again, let it soak in and dry for about 8 hours before you shower.  You can purchase it at Ulta HERE or Amazon HERE.  You’ll want to purchase the St. Tropez mitt HERE for application. (If you are ordering from AMAZON , it is an add-on item.)  The St. Tropez glove is lined, so you’re able to use it without a latex glove. It’s worth every penny! 

I also like St. Tropez Gradual Tan to prolong my bronze color.  You can grab it at Ulta HERE or from Amazon HERE. I have really dry skin, so I mix some of this with my shea butter moisturizer when applying, otherwise I dry out too quickly. 

 

There you go friend, just in time for summer!   Go bronze up…it’ll be our healthy secret that we are truly slathered in sunblock.

 

 

 

May 3, 2018 by
Family, Love, Parenting, Patience

My Favorite Child…Bonus edition

A few months ago, I overheard a conversation while away on a girlfriend weekend in the Texas Hill Country.  I had taken a phone call in the next room, and was walking back to join the gals when I heard them discussing the issue of having a favorite child, and if they had to choose one, which it would be.  I was chuckling on the inside, and then I heard one of them say, “Which one would be Brooke’s favorite?”  I stopped, wanting to hear who the lucky boy was.  After a pause, another one answered with, “She doesn’t really have a favorite, she is pretty equal with all of them.”

It was the best and sweetest compliment I’ve ever received.  Especially from those gals, as they know the good, bad, and ugly of me.  We are all moms and two of them occupy the same boat I do – Bonus Mom.  It is crazy that two of my best friends also married men who have custody of their children.  We end up spending more time with our bonus babies than we do our biological babies.  You will never hear me complain about this, I didn’t have children to get every other weekend off.

When Hubs and I got married and blended our boys, I did it without any hesitation.  I have always loved kids and kids seem to love me, so I figured how hard could this be?  After a couple of months into our blending I realized that being a Bonus Mom would teach me more about the patient side of love than anything else could.  For the record, we do not usually refer to any child in our home as a Bonus Boy – but to save confusion and to make a point, for this post I will – besides, who doesn’t love an added Bonus?!  Especially for extra credit.

I made several mistakes in our first year.  A lot of them stemmed from the assumption that he chose me, when in actuality, none of our children chose to have a Bonus Parent.  Hubs and I carefully chose each other.  We were crazy in love, but more importantly – we trusted the other would value and love our child(ren), and made the decision to unite with that belief.  Four years in, we know we have had it easier than some in blending a family.  It has still been a learning curve. I rarely give advice, as I usually realize what an idiot I was yesterday – the following are lessons we’ve learned thus far.

Mistake #1 – I came in hot.

Lesson #1 – Don’t come in hot.

I laugh when I look back at my naivety.   I mom so hard, so I just assumed my 10-year-old Bonus Boy got the memo that I was a good one. At first, I was confused that he had to warm up to me and figure out who I was, how I was going to change his life, and where I was going to fit in.  Trust was earned slowly.  Somedays were slower than others.

Forgive me for making the following comparison, but for me – everything is related back to animals.  I’ve rescued a lot of animals.  At the beginning of saving/adopting one, they are usually timid.  Some have been abandoned or mistreated, and have trust issues.  If I came in aggressive – even aggressively loving – they would shrink back or run and hide.  Most of the time, if you just be yourself and sit still, they will figure out you are not a threat to them and eventually will warm up to you.

For my Bio Boys, they know mom is going to constantly hug and kiss their faces – I come in hot on a daily basis, since they were born.  They had a head start on my Bonus Boy, who moved in and thought I had lost my mind.  For years it had just been him and his dad (and an amazing grandmother, an Aunt/Cousin hybrid, and extended family), but now this crazy “Bonus Mom” was always hiding around the corner, grabbing hugs and planting kisses on his head whenever she wanted.

Word of Advice – CHILL.  Walk into your new traditions slowly.  Let them know you love them in small, subtle ways, I promise they will not go unnoticed.  They are watching you, waiting for your crazy to come out, expecting your crazy to come out.  Give them their space to learn and navigate this new journey, and show them the respect that you want in return.

 

Lesson #2 – You are not your Bonus Child’s disciplinarian

Thankfully, we had an amazing counselor give us this advice, and we followed it. In our house, the biological parent does the disciplining.  While we have boundaries of requiring respect from all children, it’s not the Bonus Parent’s job to come down hard.  I have watched this in other families and I want to immediately arrest them, take away the sweet label of Bonus Parent, and slap them with the Step Mom/Dad title.

Bonus Parents, please hear me when I lovingly say this – Unless that child does not remember a time without you in their life – meaning you have been there since infanthood – disciplining is not your job.  I don’t care the situation, back off.  Hand that responsibility back to your spouse, the biological parent.  This requires A LOT of communication between the parents on how to handle specific situations that arise, but surely us adults can do that right?  It is definitely a tight rope of supporting without overstepping, but you can do it.

We have not dealt with an outright disrespectful child.  So, if that is your issue, I encourage you to seek a professional for advice.  I just slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night, who am I to know?  We have dealt with a cranky kid who has been disrespectful, in that case we fall back to how we would treat anyone who isn’t respectful in our house.  Tar and feather them.

I’m kidding.  We are clear on our expectations of respect and rules.  Here is what is required in our home.  Tone of voice is also important in any situation.  Kids are not dumb, they are actually brilliant.  They know if you like them, they know if you are pretending in front of their parent – if you aren’t being honest, they will take note.  If this is the case, go gather yourself, do some soul searching and praying.  I encourage you to simply realize that you are dealing with children, be loving.  You can be a stern fist if you want and let everyone know you run the show, but you won’t earn their love with that hardness.  Be flexible.

 

Lesson #3 – Be Fair

I don’t do everything right – but I am fair.  What I do for one child, I will do for all.  They have the same rules (or will, when they get to that age).  I just want my tombstone to be honest, “She loved us in a big way, she was fair, and she leaves behind a big closet.”, so that’s how I live.  I understand that not every situation has all the children living in the same house, which would create some creativity in equality.  I can only give advice on what I know, and that is them being under the same roof.  BE FAIR.  If you let one do something, then sister (or brother), you’d better let them all.  Don’t be sneaky either.  Nothing makes me sadder or madder than watching kids be treated different or unequal.  If you aren’t feeling that bond with your Bonus Baby, then FIGURE IT OUT.  Fight for it.  Find a common ground and build from there.  I promise it is so worth it.  When a teenager – bio or bonus – chooses to spend time with you, that is the biggest compliment of LIFE.

 

Lesson #4 – Do not talk negative about the other Parent.

This goes for EVERY PARENT, Bonus or Bio.

I don’t care what your opinion of their other parent is, it needs to be kept to yourself.  If you and your spouse need to communicate frustrations behind a closed door – knock yourself out.  But that baby better not hear it.  Or feel it.  And don’t be sneaky with the passive aggressive comments either.  KIDS ARE BRILLANT – they see you, they feel every single comment.  Because guess what?   They are half that person, and if you are talking bad about their parent, they will internalize it as there must be something wrong with them as well.

My biological parents divorced when I was 8 months old. I didn’t hear many positive things about my biological dad until after he had died.  My mom was young and didn’t know any better, but I felt every single negative comment about him.  I didn’t realize this at the time, but what I did recognize was that it didn’t feel good to hear bad things about him.  I don’t think I truly paid attention to how it made me feel until I was a divorced adult myself, and had to chose my words carefully, even when I was madder than a hornet.  My biological parent’s situation was different than my children’s, and I know my mom had a lot of frustrations, they were just hard to hear.

I’m not saying you have to lie and sugar coat things about an absentee parent.  If the child needs to talk, listen and validate their feelings.  But don’t add your opinion or manipulate the situation.  Divorce is hard enough for them to maneuver through, don’t add more junk.

 

Lesson #5 – You are not in competition with your spouse’s child(ren)

I’ve seen this enough times to say…STOP IT.  That child was there before you.  They need some quality time with their parent, alone, without you.  Create a space for that to happen and support it.  You are an adult, do not make a child feel that they are in competition for their parent’s time, love, and attention.  “Anything that feeds a rivalry will corrupt your strength.”*  Be an adult.  Take the egos out of this and build a strong family.

In the end, kindness covers a lot.  When in doubt, reach for kindness.  We will never have all the answers, nor will we always know the right thing to do or say.  In the beginning, it may seem that you will never get through all the hurdles – show them and yourself grace as you navigate through them.  For those who do the work that someone else has the title for…show up as a safe haven, not a mini savior.  No one needs a mini-savior, yet everyone could appreciate a safe haven.

Our Bonus Boys are definitely a bonus – they are little extensions of the spouse we chose and married. There is such a sweet side of loving a child that is shared with you, and being loved in return.

*Lisa Bevere

 

 

April 16, 2018 by
Character, Grace, Love, Patience

Rock. Paper. Scissors. GRACE

“Grace is having a relationship with someone’s heart.  Not their behaviors.”

I believe grace may hold the largest percentage in the make up of love.  It is hidden in all good things.  All of the things we strive to be and have, there grace is… indexed first in the ingredient list.

Love. Forgiveness. Kindness. Acceptance.

In conflict, I’ve often prayed for God to help me see someone through His eyes.  “Help me love them as you do.”

It isn’t a prayer I like to pray.  Most often, my heart has to have been beaten and softened by the waves of life before I resort to trying grace.

And yet, when you pull grace out and bestow it, the peace that covers the situation and the hearts involved, makes one ponder why we don’t use it more.

Right?  That Bob Goff sure is smart. I need grace daily, yet internally – and lets be honest, sometimes externally, roll my eyes when it’s time to bestow it.  Especially when my fairness factor kicks in and keeps sending my brain reports on why grace has not been earned.

When my boys were younger and argued a lot, then the tattling began.  I would tell them, “Be nice to your brother! Extend some grace.”  It had only been uttered 101 times before an exasperated McCray said, ”MOM, I don’t even know what that means!!”

Grace (n): mercy; clemency; pardon.

Truthfully, I think Webster fails to describe accurately.  It’s like a salve.  Better than Neosporin or Eucerin.  It covers a hurt or transgression like an undeserved Band-Aid.  It is acceptance given when we don’t understand.  It is forgiveness given when the action is deamed unworthy.

Shocks and stuns.  A force as startling as the power of electricity.

Turn towards grace.  Flip the lights on.

In the game of Rock, Paper, Scissors….let grace be the paper that covers the rock of “fair”.

Love can be the scissors.

April 2, 2018 by
Family, Gifts, Lessons, Parenting

Parenting through the pecking

“Raising children is like being pecked to death by chickens.”

That quote has hung in a family member’s home for years, probably still does.  I whispered it often during the early years of raising boys, sometimes still do.  In my most exhausting moments of Motherhood, that quote has served my children well.  The assurance that other mothers also felt this exasperated on the journey was protection for my daring little chickens and their scissor sharp beaks.

The chickens have grown. I miss those dang chicks and their itty bitty pecking, it was really kinda cute looking from this angle.  Especially since we’ve learned that raising teenagers is like riding a rollercoaster with a blindfold on.  Some days it’s steady and smooth as you track up the hill on the Judge Roy Scream, only to be pushed off the top and realize the track gave way to the old Texas Giant with its wooden, rough ways – jerky enough to break your bra (a tragic true story).

There are moments of complete pride, realizing how far they have come in their maturity.  There are also moments of desperately begging God for more time to train the monsters.

Recently, while I was cooking with Mason, McCray strolled through the kitchen and dipped his finger in the sopapilla cheesecake filling. Big brother yelled, “Don’t do that! It has eggs in it and you’ll get melanoma!”   Hearing this, my face scrunched up and I just stared at him, wondering how he made it to through 12.7 years of school.

I held some hope that McCray, the freshman, would correct him. Instead he rolled his eyes and said, “It’s malaria you moron.”  Which explains his grade in Health class.  Bless you teacher. We should have sent a better Christmas gift.  Would a sopapilla cheese cake suffice?

I should remind everyone here that I’ve never claimed to be a good teacher.  Also, Sopapilla cheesecake has precisely zero eggs in the ingredients.  I informed them the sickness they were looking for was Salmonella. To which they both shrugged and said, “Same.”   It’s a wonder we fail at HQ trivia every day at 8 p.m.

Our oldest is a Senior, he graduates in exactly too soon of days.  A fact I have grieved and dreaded for the entirety of his eighteen years.  I can’t imagine not seeing him for longer than a week, or walking to his room for a goodnight hug.  I don’t know how I will pack him up and drive his belongings down to Austin, only to get in my car and DRIVE AWAY FROM HIM.

My baby.  My first born.  My boy who fills so much of our house with his unique character and audacious personality.  Tears are flowing as I type this.

And yet, the same precious, growing child that I am crying tears over can drive me absolutely crazy.  I’ve been told that God has a way of helping us weepy parents let go, by allowing them to act like know-it-all-fools in the last months they are in our home.  This is true. The same child that can make me gush over his adorable ways, makes my head explode and my heart ache while watching him learn life lessons and navigate tough choices, sometimes making the wrong ones.

God is so gracious.  How does He do this from heaven?!  As Bob Goff shares, “I think a Father’s job, when it’s done best, is to get down on both knees, lean over his children’s lives, and whisper, “Where do you want to go?”

I have returned to that visual a lot this past year.  Where do you want to go my son?  These boys have been watered with love and light, and a pile of prayers.  For the eldest, this has been the year of mom stepping back and allowing him to steer more.  I haven’t done this perfectly, as every-person-in-this-house accuses me of being a back-seat driver, but we can unpack that another time.

I’m trying.  I’m learning.  I’m clinging to the fact that while childhood is only a chapter in their life, we remain parents forever.  Once a parent, always a parent.

Which is my rebellious way of choosing joy in this season.

Choosing stubborn gladness throughout the journey of my heart being pecked to death by this thing called parenting.

 

 

March 26, 2018 by
Character, Courage, Faith, Forgivness, Lessons, Love, Patience, Prayer, Renewed

Known for our Fruit…

“…by their fruit you will recognize them.”

If you spent more than a little time in Sunday school as a child you probably recited the fruits of the spirit.

You might have even made a craft, or your kids have, hung on the fridge as proof they are hopefully learning a lesson or two.  Lord knows I’ve failed at teaching mine as much as I should have.

This morning I sat down for some quiet time that usually seems to elude my schedule. I’m not in a current bible study and didn’t want to read any of the three books on my nightstand, so I just sat.  I sat and watched the rain come down outside.  In our back yard sits an apple tree that is on the struggle bus.  I got it for Hubs on our first anniversary to symbolize paper, the traditional one year anniversary gift.  Only we have been so busy watering and caring for our actual relationship and family that we’ve forgotten to care for the poor little apple tree.

I sat looking at the sticks that are hoping to grow apples and the question popped into my head,

“What fruit will you produce today?”.

Yikes.

“What fruit will you be recognized by?”

Ouch.   Stop it already.

Today I would be caught with rotten bananas, like the brown ones in my freezer waiting to be used for banana bread.  Why couldn’t you have caught me on a good day?  I have a couple of those on leap years.

Spiritual fruit cannot grow with an ego in the middle of it.

Someone wiser than I came up with the acronym for Ego = Edging God Out

Which is exactly what it does, it convinces us that we are most important, we deserve this, we earned it, our feelings matter most.  Our egos come in, edge the Divine out, and get our order of priorities all jacked up.

Self?  Let me check the list….Yes!  You go up here at the top, naturally.  Like the star on the Christmas tree.  Look at you shine sister.

Others?  What have you done for me lately?   Hmmmm… Go ahead and head down, third from the bottom rung.

Children?  Y’all are still here?  Good grief, haven’t we raised you already?  Get close to the top, I’ll put you on my shoulders and let you hold my star.

God?  Stick close in case I have a prayer will ya?  Thanks so much.  Also, could you stand where I bask in your glow?  It’s all about the lighting you know.  Did you hear me quote your bible verse from memory earlier?  How about that huh?

Bless.

Here’s the thing about our Ego.  It edges God out, but it also edges GROWTH out.  A fruit cannot grow with an ego in the middle of it.  Want to grow some fruit?  Dump the ego.

Don’t know where to start?  Throw out the “should haves” when it pertains to others, no one owes you anything.  A fact I continue to learn daily.  We were not promised a life without bad times.  We weren’t promised a Leave it to Beaver family, or a support system that looks like the traditional one in our mind.  No one comes to earth and escapes alive, or lives a life without sorrow.  Find your joy.  Even the worst of days has some joy tucked in the seams, even if it’s just a perfectly timed cup of caffeine.  Recognize and identify what makes your heart lighter.

Want to know some of what we ARE promised?

One who will fight for you…. Exodus 14:14.  Renewed strength …Isaiah 40.  A companion in fearful moments…Isaiah 41.  Unfailing love….Isaiah 54. Freedom….Isaiah 58. Wisdom.  Forgiveness.  Eternal life. Comfort. Refuge. Deliverance. Peace that transcends all understanding…and so much more.

Peace comes from remembering that only love is real.  Look past the surface and see the underlying truth…everyone is a child of God and filled with love.  It may be hidden behind our egos, but it was put there.  Love is there.  Look for the light within you and others.  Guess what water and light do?  They grow things…like fruit!

If you feel like our apple tree, take hope that God is in the business of growing.  He delights in gardening, ask for help in developing your orchard.  May we be recognized by our sweet fruit.

 

March 20, 2018 by