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Family

Authenticity, Brave, Clothing, Family, Lessons, Parenting, perfection

The Depth Finder

Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls…” Psalms 42:7

As the kiddos have entered into the teen years, we started to feel them slip away from spending as much time with us, the parentals.  I’m sure you are as shocked at this news as we were. They didn’t get the memo that we are totes cool.  We were sad about this fact since we really kinda like those kids.  So, in a desperate attempt to attract teenagers back to the fold – we bought a boat.  Worked like a charm – yolo.

My favorite feature on the boat is the depth finder, it seriously amazes me.  However, the infatuation I have with that little tool of information is distracting to everyone else on board.  Especially since I usually end up sitting wherever there isn’t a kid, tucked in a corner where it’s hard for the Hubs to hear me yell, “Chad!  How deep is it here?”

He will mouth back, “Huh?”  Then point to his ear and shake his head – the universal code for “I can’t hear you.”

I’ll repeat my question until he slows the boat down enough to hear me and then give me the answer.  The answer is always followed with one of my children rolling their adorable eyes and telling their friend on board, “She is obsessed with the depth finder.”  Imagine this scenario on repeat x 101.  It only took us a whole summer to come up with a code for my same ol’ question, because we are quick problem solvers.

Look at those teens, WITH their parents. #winning

It’s fascinating and terrifying that there can be 86 feet of water under us one minute then, without a sign or warning bell, it goes to 23 feet deep.  I just need to know where we figuratively stand with this water thing.  My friend Christine would feel better if the lake could be drained, just for a day or so, then we could see exactly what is under the boat.  I think this plan is brilliant, no matter how crazy the Corp of Engineers think we are.

I wish people came with a depth finder gauge.  Think of all the small talk we could cut down on – we could fit so much more in our day if we simply checked their depth gauge to determine if it is worth the energy of a chat or not.  I have a friend who is honest enough to admit she has a disdain for small talk, and claims to be horrible at it.  She is best suited in the deep waters of conversation, this has found to be true.  She can give you several embarrassing examples of her attempt of the task.  Word to those who want to converse with her – throw on a lifejacket and doggie paddle out to the deep.  I love this about her and, for the majority of the time, I am dog paddling out there alongside my friend.

In my own life, there are areas I can go as deep as the ocean, and then others I’m about a shallow as a kiddie pool.  My most shallow moments show up while organizing family photos – the highlight of every mother’s year.

Since a young age, I always wanted three boys. What I did not account for was planning boys outfits for family photos. Especially now that they are all basically the same sizes, and throw fits when I try to dress one in burgundy colored jeans to pull in the color from the other kiddo’s plaid shirt (Sorry son, sometimes you have to take one for the team, just think of it as a character building moment).  It isn’t trendy or cool to completely match, we have to simply coordinate. Coordinating is supposed to look seamless, almost as an afterthought.  Kind of like we all showed up, looked down at our clothes and airily laughed that we all wore the same color scheme, how precious.

It is freaking hard. Gone are the “Everyone throw on a black shirt with your jeans, and let’s go take a picture.” days. I miss the Aussie hair product family’s advertisements, where they proved how simple and fun matchy-matchy family photos could be.  Gone are the simple times with robes.

Nothing says “Happy Family” like matching robes. Nothing.

For our 2017 family photos, I text the oldest darling at work and said, “What are you wearing tomorrow for family pictures?”  We went back and forth discussing what he had and what we might need to shop for that night. T-minus 22 hours before execution.  I informed him we were going with grays, warm neutrals, with a pop of red. He replied that we had already done red. I reminded him that was maroon, and his little brother had asked to do red for years and we had ignored him. Mason said, “Fine. But what kind of red are we talking about – Blood red, Lorena red, or like a muted red?”  You see how I’m used to the deep waters of topics and conversations.

By the time we actually show up for family photos, I’ve given up on caring about the perfect-nice-normal-family photos.  The pop of red was thrown out (sorry bud, maybe next year) and we just smiled.  No matter my level of stress, the photos always turn out amazing, because any photo with my babies captured in it usually is.  They are just handsome little suckers that will always have my heart, no matter the depth of our current water.  Also, I might have had a wine spritzer inside of my yeti to help me chill out – this is just an assumption, not an admission.

See? Perfection.

To be authentically you, one has to be the same at 1 ft. of depth than you are at 80 ft.  Authentic – who doesn’t love people who are described by that adjective?  To show your real self, to live in your own skin and stand in the truth of who and whose you are is the best gift to give the world. And yourself.  To put it eloquently, you do you boo.  I’ve frequented both levels on my journey -swimming in the deep or wadding in the kiddie pool, and I’ll take deep waters over shallowness any day.  Each come with their own scary stuff (Jaws and alligators – both equally as terrifying), but life is less peopley in the deep end, there is much less chatter.  For that fact alone, swim out sister. After family photos of course.

* 2017 Photos by Taylor Nicole Photography

**Not the Aussie Hair family photo…that was produced by google.

 

 

 

 

 

Family, Friendship, Gifts, Grace, Hope, Laughter, Love, Prayer, Renewed

Friendship – The Real Stuff

For the times in life where I have struggled to catch my breath, friendship has served as my inhaler.  Stressed?  Better call the besties, because friendship can literally breathe life back into a weary soul.

Learning how to breathe is in direct response to calming my spirit. Calming my spirit is in direct response to letting things go, and accepting that there are just some things I cannot control. Who wants to live like a fish out of water, not knowing where their next breath is coming from? This is called anxiety – the feeling of standing on unstable ground.  During these shaky moments is when we reach for support.

Recently, our family went through a true crisis. I sent a text out to my friends asking for prayers and advice.  They recognized that I was at my capacity for handling the situation, my spirit was stretched and about to bust. What friendship did in that moment, is show up.  Showing up isn’t always literal, but it is always emotional. Sometimes it’s driving two hours to sit with you at the hospital, a phone call, a simple text checking on you or a funny meme to lighten your mood. Friendship is the scaffolding that supports and holds us up during the rough patches.

A gathering of friends for my 30th birthday…just a few months ago. Or 9 years. Same.

We were made to represent the love of God for our people here on earth, that each person we journey with may have a deeper understanding of God’s love for them.  It has been said that we are all just walking each other home.  I couldn’t love that thought more, healthy relationships remind us of the goodness of God, by bringing more divine into our lives.

Friendship can never be authentic unless you are honest and vulnerable. True friendship is the real stuff – not the artificial sweetener that attempts to taste like the real stuff.  True friendship is the pure cane sugar of life -messy calories and all.  When you find that tribe member, the building of a friendship begins.  Growing up, I never had a clubhouse, but this is how I picture the home of friendship.  When one shares something vulnerable, it’s as if she is handing you a brick to add to the building of the clubhouse.  You, in return, share or confide by handing her a stone to build on.  This goes on, in no specific time frame or rhythm, and one day you look up and realize your clubhouse is built.  It’s not a perfect clubhouse made of one single material or straight lines, but it is beautiful.  It is a place for both parties to be nourished under the shelter of friendship.

When one shows up for another, it’s like having a decorating meeting inside your well-loved clubhouse.  Pitchers in hand, ready to pour into whichever soul needs it at the moment.  If you look for fault in your friends, you will find it. We are all human. But if you continue to only look for the lovely, that’s what you will see.  If one can’t be there today, be thankful for the one who is.  They all have their own purpose in your life.  Your friendships will show up in all different ways, like a gorgeous rainbow.

There are few things better than a can’t-catch-your-breath-laugh with girlfriends.  Recently a group of us drove south to hear a beloved author, Jen Hatmaker, speak at the Austin Bass Concert Hall.   Afterwards, we walked outside to wait on our requested Uber.  We stood out front, waiting on Thor, chatting about where we should eat dinner.  I glanced up and saw Jen Hatmaker herself walking out of the building with her entourage, I really wanted to run and tell her specifically what her writing has meant to me, then I remembered the chapter called “Fangirl” in her latest book. She encourages us to fangirl Jesus and our friends instead of famous people who we don’t know. Inwardly, I rolled by eyes, whispered “fine”, and turned back to fangirl my gals.

Perfect timing, as a minivan pulled up, the driver got out and the automatic minivan doors opened.  What service Thor, you have earned yourself a rating of Uber excellence young man.  As Kristy and Patricia started to get in, the side door jammed while in auto mode, which caused a constant dreadful sound, kind of like a possum was stuck in it.  All four of us looked through the car to the driver, who was standing by his door just staring at us. “Sir, what’s wrong with your door?”  Blank stare.  “SIR, can you come fix your door?  Something is wrong with it.”  At one point, Marlo pushed through the other two and started trying to shove it open while saying through clenched teeth, “Oh. I. got. this!” – a word for each shove. Resolved that we weren’t climbing in on that side, we all went to the drivers side, got in and was buckling up when a random lady came over and said, “What have y’all done to the door?”  Not knowing who she was or what business she had in our night, we stuck to the Stranger-Danger rule and ignored her, continuing about the task of getting into our Uber.  Stranger-Danger-Lady wouldn’t give up with the questions though.  Sweet Patricia just kindly smiled at her as the rest of us ignored her.  She said something like, “This is my car.”,  Ugh, lady…go away.  In really slow talk so she would understand and quit asking questions, we replied, “No ma’am, this is our Uber, Thor is our driver.”  Done with the shenanigans she yelled, “THIS IS MY *&$%ing CAR and you broke my door!”  She was further thrilled when we sat there staring at her, as the situation took some time to soak in.  The situation of mistaking the valet guy for Thor, our Uber driver.  No wonder the Thor (who wasn’t Thor) just stared at us without words when we ask him to please fix his door. Just as we climbed into the poor sailor-mouth-lady’s car, we piled back out.  Back out into the rain to once again, to wait for our Uber – in the Valet line.

To be clear – the next car we got into was the correct one – Cliff’s car.  Which sounds a lot like Thor…

Send kindness out in big, generous waves, send it near and far, send it through texts and e-mails and calls and words and hugs, send it by showing up, send it by proximity, send it in casseroles, send it with a well-timed “me too”, send it with abandon.  Put out exactly what you hope to draw in, and expect it back in kind and in equal measure. Sow seeds of affirmation and goodness and grace into others, and you will reap the devotion of well-loved friends.”  Jen Hatmaker – Of Mess and Moxie

Put simply – it takes being a friend to have a friend. I’ve been on both sides of this spectrum. My first years into adulthood were some of the loneliest.  I was in a growth gap, past who I was and not yet grown into who I was becoming.  I don’t like the thought of growing out of a friendship, I’d rather be grateful for the season that we had it.  Not all relationships will make the duration of your journey, some are just meant for a season.

Pay attention to those who show up in big and little ways. Pay attention to those who support you, who defend you, who encourage you to rise above and be better in this moment. Surround yourself with honest and loyal people, those who know when to push you and when to encourage you to pivot.  Nurture your friendships, show up for your people, love on your tribe, and preserve that beloved clubhouse – it can always use another brick or decoration.  We cannot do life alone, we were made to connect.

Life is brutal and life is beautiful.  The brutal doesn’t break us because the beautiful sustains us.”

 

 

 

 

 

Courage, Family, Gifts, Lessons

The Gift Closet

Everyone is gifted.  But most people never open their package.

With three sets of grandparents, I hit the lottery with all of them.  One couple were sweetly named Tootie and Pippi, a gift from our oldest cousin.  We learned not to get tongue tied while calling for them, their names weren’t near as endearing when spoken wrong.

I spent only a few Christmas and family gatherings with my biological dad’s family, for several reasons that are neither here or there.  When I was twelve, he died suddenly from a massive heart attack, taking any and all of our future time along with him.  My poor grandparents were devastated, and grieved until they joined him.  After his funeral, we all converged back to the family home in Claude, Texas.  Because love requires we gather.  When we arrived at the pink brick house, my cousins were persistent in requesting that our grandmother show me “my closet”.

My cousin Monica and I, Christmas 1978

My precious grandmother and cousins lead me to the hall closet.  Inside, on the side wall, were stacks of wrapped presents with my name written on them.  Presents for every birthday and Christmas I didn’t join the family.  The feeling of being remembered still overwhelms me.  While the rest of the family consoled each other, I sat in the living room floor and opened presents.

Socks and underwear for every year of growth, nightgowns with past-favorite cartoon characters on them, stacks of bracelets in every color, stuffed animals, strawberry shortcake dolls, care bears, a cabbage patch doll, and various other gifts.  Presents that I never knew existed.  Presents that would have remained unopened had I not shown up.

The Pritchett side of the family is a large one, filled with lots of cousins, aunts, and uncles.  I never figured that I was missed at the family gatherings, as the house was always maxed out with people. Truthfully, most of those years, I was too young to even realize I was missing out.  My life was full of beloved family members from the other sides as well.  Yet, my grandparents felt the void, and prepared my gifts alongside the other cousins, in hopes that I would be there. Year after year.

I never thought about how my grandmother must have felt after Christmas until now.  I wonder if she waited until the decorations were being put up to add my presents to the others in the closet.  I wonder if our Creator feels the same way about the growing stack of unopened gifts we haven’t tapped into.


I can’t help but imagine that God has a closet of goodness for us, just waiting for us to show up for.  Answered prayers and gifts that require time spent in His presence to open and develop.  Gifts tied with gorgeous bows, waiting for our arms and hearts.  How many unopened and untapped gifts are waiting with your name on it?

Perhaps we purposely or unconsciously avoid the gift closet, due to fear of the responsibility of a gift.  How many times have we been given grace that we continually refuse to accept or believe deep down that we haven’t earned yet?  How frustrating for the Gift Giver.  How sad for the Gift Giver to open the closet, and add yet another, unopened box to the stack.

As a parent myself, I delight in watching my boys open gifts chosen just for them.  Some they have asked for, and some are specifically chosen.  Nothing random. I can only imagine the divine joy our Creator has when sitting back, watching us open and then use our perfectly chosen gifts.

My friend Casey is blessed with long, slender legs. She jokes that when torsos were being handed out, she missed the class, along with future make-up days for all torsos.  I think torsos are overrated when you can have legs.  We don’t choose the vessel we’ve been given, but we choose what we pour out and what we keep inside.  We can replenish and sharpen our talents and gifts on each visit to the gift closet.  We can show up and sit in the presence of the Gift Giver, hands out and hearts open.

Get ready to receive my friend.  There are piles of goodness with your name written on the tag.

 

 

Courage, Family, Fear, Lessons

Heights, Fear, and Altitude Tourettes

Heights terrify me.

Just the vision of someone standing on the balcony of a high rise will make my knees go numb.

One of our family’s favorite vacations to take is our annual ski trip.  I am a skier that adores the gentleness of a green, can endure the challenge of a blue, but typically aim to stay away from double black diamonds. Like always.

When we had just barely been a blended family for a few months, we headed to the mountains together with some friends.  After a few days of teaching two of our boys to ski and reminding the third, we were feeling good about ourselves.  “Look at us, what an athletic family.”   Pride always before the fall.

(The photo my friend texted to me on our drive to the ski resort, she was in the car behind us as we were exiting the Eisenhower Tunnel. She knows me well.)

My husband who is a natural at everything, had made several runs from the extreme tip of the mountain on his own.  He kept commenting on how beautiful it was up there, and suggested our entire group of eleven head up the lift, to the highest point of the mountain range.  Never mind the fact we had five kids with us who had only been skiing for two days.  In their life.  When I mentioned this, it was answered with, “There is a green all the way down, it doubles as the road in the summer months.”

Upward our optimistic gang went.  Not fully understanding that there were zero signs pointing out the easiest way down from this height.  People who ski in the clouds don’t look for the path of least resistance.

It started on the ski lift headed up the mountain, I could feel the wave of fear headed for me.  I shared this with my husband, however, I don’t think he fully understood the monster that was about to take over his wife’s body.  A common newlywed mistake.  Upon exiting the ski lift, I’m fairly certain we could see Mexico from that height. Terror took over my entire body, common sense completely left my brain, and everything I had ever learned about anything went fuzzy.  I knew with certainty that one of us was going to fall off this mountain, it was up to me to keep that from happening.  Panicked, I started shouting instructions, “Amy, you help the older kids!  Mason, watch out for your brothers!  Kyle, take care of the Littles!  Chad, do NOT leave my side!  No one fall off the mountain!”  I’ve been accused of sometimes being a little spicy, but there was zero sass in my instructions.  It was pure survival mode.

Back home, when the kids were in kindergarten, there is a rule for walking down the hallway in a line. The cuties are to keep their hands behind their back, holding their “leopard tail”. That’s what my friend Amy says we looked like skiing down the “green”, dodging the moguls and double blacks.  A kindergarten class getting off the ski lift with their psychotic teacher screaming, “Do not fall off the mountain!”  Every time Amy looked back to check on me with her saucer-sized, blue eyes, she was expressing genuine concern for my fear.  Only behind that, I could see the laughter that was building, waiting to happen once I was in a place to join her.

My husband is an extremely patient man, but somewhere on our slow descent, the well of patience went temporarily dry.  Poor fella, he kept wondering where his cool wife went and I was like, “Look dude, she’s gone, but Crazy-Eyed McPhearson is here to make sure no one plummets to the ground, got it?  Now, hold my leopard tail and SLOW DOWN.  Everyone put your skis in a pizza wedge!”

He claims it took us three hours to get the mountain, which is a total exaggeration.  It took us two and a half.  When we got to the point that the trees were blocking the view of Texas, my knees thawed and I skied normally.  My fear was gone because the view was different.  Sometimes we need to change our scenery to dilute our fear.

When we shift our surroundings a bit we can then realize that fear is such a liar.

Or as the Hubs would say, “Get out of your own way and POINT YOUR SKIES DOWNHILL!”

By the time we got to the bottom, our group had mostly separated, Hubs and I were mad at each other, Amy and I were crying with uncontrollable laughter, and we all suffered from PTSD. I faced the fear and skied through it.  Frozen.  Slow.  But still moving.

Our group that almost didn’t make it in 2015

 Our trips to the mountains have since been gloriously perfect, even with the sore muscles. The boys race each other down, with their Sherpa app on.  I ski behind them, aiming to keep them in sight.  I push past my fear of heights and speed simply because I want to be with them.  I want to have fun experiences with them.   Most of the time this means I must ski faster than I wish but, it is worth it.  These memories are some of my favorites.

One of the greatest inventions is the ski mask.  Not to just keep heat in, but to keep others from hearing the language coming out of my mouth as I “self talk” my way down the slope.  Without the ski mask on, my fellow skiers would suspect that I had Tourettes syndrome.  And they would be right.  Altitude touretts.  It’s a real thing for me.  Only oxygen at the base of the mountain will cure it.   As my friend Bambi says, “Sometimes cussing is effective”.  I have to agree.  I ski better when I can safely express my fear and frustrations in a self-environment.

Those little darlings of mine are always waiting for me at the bottom, a sight that always makes me smile beneath my ski mask. They never need to know what has been said underneath it, they only need to know their Momma will do whatever it takes to spend time with them.

Even through moments of panic, altitude tourettes, exhaustion, and sore muscles.

2016

2017

Family, Lessons

Lessons from Kenny Rogers and Meme

 

From my earliest memory, I was in love with Kenny Rogers.  Completely smitten.  I’m sure it had something to do with the fact that my single mom and I lived with my grandparents and great-grandmother.  Everyone in the house loved country music.  Kenny, Dolly, the Oakridge Boys, and several more sang to me every day in the backseat of my grandmothers Cadillac.  My grandfather jokingly referred to Loretta Lynn as his girlfriend and it was a major tragedy in our household when Crystal Gail’s hair was shut in her car door and she had to have several inches trimmed.  Oh, the grieving we experienced over those lost locks.

With Meme at our happy place, the Clarendon Ranch.

One of my favorite Christmas gifts ever to receive was a Kenny Rogers record signed by the legend himself.  It was a gift from my grandmother and was deeply coveted. It became my claim to fame anytime there was a conversation about brushes with the rich and famous.  (That, and my mom said Eddie Rabbit drank out of our coke after a concert one time.)  As you can imagine, these stories brought instant popularity throughout elementary and especially middle school.  Once my 1990 peers heard “Kenny Rogers”, they completely overlooked the uni-brow covering my forehead and begged me to sit at their lunch table.

Much too soon, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.  As her time on earth drew to the end, I sat beside her bed trying to fit in as many conversations as we could.  Meme was my person.  My rock.  My constant. Throughout my childhood, I would sometimes burst into tears at the fear of her dying.  Odd behavior for a little girl, but I simply couldn’t imagine life without her.  Now, at the age of 21, I had to not only imagine it, but prepare for it.

It’s not easy to pack in all the conversations to sustain the rest of my life without her, but we did our best.  In the middle of one of those talks, it hit me that I never asked how she got the handsome Mr. Rogers to sign my record.  Did she meet him on one of their trips to Vegas?  Did she mail it to him?  Was she a member of his Fan Club?  Was that membership transferable? How was I going to live without her?  Didn’t God know she was everything to me?  How did life go on without your person here on earth? So many questions…not near enough time.

In the middle of our reminiscing, I asked the question, “Meme, you never told me how or where you had Kenny Rogers sign my record, was it Vegas?  Did you see him in concert?” She looked at me so confused that I thought the nurse must have upped her medicines.  Finally, she said, “Oh honey, I thought you knew…I signed that.”

Stop the press. Pause the tears.  WHAT??  Et tu Brute?

Meme left for heaven later that week.  I think once her confession was over, she was eager to meet Jesus with a clear conscious.  I’m sure he overlooked the Kenny Rogers fib, as I’m almost positive that was the worst thing she had to answer for.  After all, Meme was 99.9% perfect and 100% endearing.

Just ask Kenny Rogers.  Oh, wait…

Life is for the living.  Seasons came, went and we struggled to keep moving.  I’ve since recognized that in Meme’s last days, she was gently encouraging me to press into my Creator. To listen and honor the voice inside me as I learned to do the hard things.  My Creator should be my person, not her, who was leaving.  She was teaching me to stand on my own, while I was still holding on to her pant leg, as if she were dropping me off with a babysitter who resembled Marilyn Manson.

Seventeen years later, I still miss her deeply.  I don’t reckon that will ever change, but time has dulled the sting to bearable. I dream more of her and less of Kenny Rogers. I’ve since replaced my little record with iTunes and Pandora. I have learned when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em.

Meme left me with an ace that I can keep and lessons that I am still learning from.

Handsome Hubs and I at the Kenny Rogers exhibit in the Country Music Hall of Fame