Only love is real.
That’s what I quipped to a friend the other day. I was attempting to soothe her troubled heart and instead I confused the heck out of us both.
“Only love is real” sounds nice. However, this child of mine acting like a jerk this morning feels irritatingly real. My hurt feelings from the slander of a family member feels deeply legit. My friend living here on earth while her son went on to heaven sadly seems real. And yet the loving hippie says, nope. Only love. That’s all that’s real folks.
A friend was visiting me last weekend when she received a phone call from home. It was her daughter, crying because the neighbor kid had hurt her feelings. The words cried to her Momma were, “My heart is broken and all crumbly!” Tell that angel baby her sadness isn’t real.
Don’t get me wrong, I adore a good inspirational quote. The grassier and more earthy sounding it is, the more I eat it up. Yes! Only love IS real. Preach on Pinterest, a grateful heart IS a magnet for miracles! Be the change you wish to see. Yes, all of that. Add that sticky note to my mirror pronto.
I’ve learned, with age (and therapy), how to process my feelings. To dissect a specific emotion to the core and figure out where exactly this secondary emotion stems from. It’s always such a fun activity (insert eye roll). For a gal who is just trying to live a good and simple life, it’s exhausting yet helpful.
Anger is just Sad’s bodyguard. Alright, so where do I go with this sadness?
Through it. When we mask our pain with other things, it just prolongs the healing.
Think of an injury on your arm, at some point after being treated, it just needs air to dry up and heal. If we keep covering it so we don’t see the ugliness, the infection only gets worse. During childbirth, I can’t imagine asking for a prettier hospital gown to cover all this icky pain up…push this baby OUT!
When we were going through the divorce, I spent many a night on my friend’s back porch. She would sit with me and listen. She let me vent, yell, cry, talk, and when I questioned what to do next, she would quietly say, “Just keep walking”. Ok Dory, but when I say I am paralyzed, I mean I can barely get myself dressed. Yet, if you tell me all I must focus on is one foot in front of the other? Okay, I’ll try that. Don’t give me anything harder.
Just keep walking, through the pain…that’s the only way to the other side. And there is another side. Maybe not completely pain free, but we’ve never been promised that.
Numbing the pain only makes it more intense when you finally feel it. And it only makes your therapy bill larger. (Trust me on this one.) Sit with the pain for a bit. Feel your way through it friend, until nothing is left there to stunt your growth. For me, this is freedom. And freedom feels like a healthy environment to grow in.
Follow me down this path if you will….
My husband came into our marriage with the most beautiful blonde lab, Honey. Honey Bun is a well-trained hunting dog. She obeys commands like a boss. And it drives me crazy.
“Honey, do you want to come in?”
Honey –> I don’t know, you haven’t told me what I want yet.
“Honey, in or out? Let’s make up our mind love.”
Honey –> Waiting on your command Mom.
“Honey, Here.”
Honey runs in.
As a 38 year old who has worked to un-train my brain, this drives me BATTY. I want Honey to think for herself, figure out her needs, and let me know what she wants and how she feels. Dive in deep Honey! Ask yourself, do you want to come in to the cool AC or would you rather enjoy the evening outside? I know her obedience is nice and necessary, but good grief. Help me, help YOU Honey!
Honey thinks with her obedient head, she is practically a robot. A beautiful robot. I don’t think we were created to be robots. I believe we were given a head, heart, and gut (intuition) to help us navigate this journey. All important roles, we just need to figure out which will lead today.
When in doubt, I choose the gut or heart. My head seems to overthink, over analyze…which leads to being paralyzed. Yet, our hearts feel deeply. Our hearts know love while our heads try to explain it. Our heads try to organize, categorize, and process the simple act of love while our hearts simply smile and accept it.
Perhaps they say that only love is real because that’s all we take with us when our time here is done. After all is dissected down to the tiniest core, you’ll simply find love.
Only love is real friends, even when our hearts are crumbly.
Simply put, it is the only thing that matters.
