Browsing Tag

Love

Character, Courage, Empathy, Family, Friendship, Grace, Hope, Lessons, Love, Uncategorized

Growing Bigger Souled

Life is made up of little moments, pieced together to create our whole journey.  Slots of time filled with joy, sadness, and all the emotions in between.  The hope is at the completion of our pilgrimage, there will be a balance of the light and dark, with more gladness than sorrow.

Years ago, we took a family trip to Cabo San Lucas with the boys, they were around seven and ten years old.  We indulged in all the ridiculously expensive, touristy experiences; massages, swimming with the dolphins, parasailing, shopping, deep sea fishing, beach days, etc.  One night we treated ourselves to a big family dinner at a fun restaurant – right on the beach in Cabo, where the tables are literally set up on the sand.  As we were laughing breezily and stuffing our faces, a few locals on the beach quietly attempted to get our attention and sell us their goods.

One young boy and his sister looked to be about the same age as our boys.  He came up holding a bundle of colorful bracelets, offering to personalize them with names woven into them.  Looking at him, I wondered how it was that my boys ended up as the ones on vacation and he was a local, peddling homemade jewelry.  It made me sad, sometimes I just don’t understand this life.  I performed the cheesy tourist role – acting as if I couldn’t decide which beauty to choose, so I mentally counted the kiddos in our neighborhood and told him that was how many bracelets I needed.  I took him up on his offer to weave Mason and McCray’s names into their bracelets.  While he and his older sister sat in the sand to craft our jewelry, McCray couldn’t keep from watching them.  At one point, he looked up at me with eyes full of sencerity and said, “Mom, even if his jewelry wasn’t as beautiful as it is, would you still buy it?”

I replied yes.  He nodded, looked back at the boy and quietly said, “I would to.”

I will never forget the look on his face that night.  His little mind recognizing that they weren’t that different and his little heart not understanding the unfairness of the situation.  They were the same age, yet a country apart in their life experiences.  McCray has always been my sensitive thinker who seems to feel things deeper than most.  The boy selling jewelry could have been as happy as a clam with his life, but that encounter was used for a gentle teaching moment in my son’s journey. That evening, with our feet in the sand and our bellies full, he learned what compassion and empathy feel like.

When empathy is present, apathy cannot exist.”  Jessica Honegger

We are not all that different.  Don’t we all have the same core needs?  What if we could just lean in to those we don’t understand, our neighbors who are experiencing life different from us?  What if we could stop filling our lives with the perfect moments, situations, etc – and leave some margin to lean in and meet some of the needs that are right in front of us?  Empathy can fill in a lot of gaps.  Sister Joan Chittister tells us that “We are either growing or collapsing at every moment.  We are becoming bigger souled or smaller souled at every moment.”  Every single minute – not one wasted.  She believes that the purpose of a human experience is to grow into God.  To go beyond religion and become a prayer, by becoming a filter that sees our Creator in everything.

B-e-a-utiful.  Oh, to live a kind of life where we see the Divine in everything. To grow bigger souled in each moment.  We will slip occasionally, as we are human.  Yet, we have an opportunity in every moment to grow, to lean in, to work at understanding and loving those who we deem different than us.  We are not as different as it sometimes feels. Jesus was the greatest teacher of this, as he was always expanding his table to accommodate more hearts.  We all have the same underground river running beneath our feet, the water of grace.  Reach down and splash some on your neighbor.

A sweet memory in Cabo with my M&M boys

 

 

 

Lessons

Careless words and Pot holes

I was in a situation almost 2 decades ago with my careless words that STILL grieves me today.  I can barely stand to share it.  I was visiting with a mom who had a mentally challenged child.  In that conversation, I was telling a story and called myself a “ratard”.  Twice. I didn’t even catch it until a friend later pointed it out.  Shame flooded me. I immediately called the mom to apologize, and she was extremely merciful.  However, I knew I had thrown a sadness on her that only grace could remove.  I know this because years later, I’ve sat on the other side of that conversation – only with a different word spoken with such gusto.

Sometimes careless words can be a glimpse into the heart of a person. Most of the time it’s just a lack of knowledge, understanding or simply ignorance.  In Mandarin, the word “careless” is translated into “crude heart”, but I think it mostly falls into the “self absorption” or “lack of awareness” category.

“The mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”  (Matt 12:34)  What a scary thought.  I’m only one sentence away from showing someone the contents of my heart.  That makes me want to call Merry Maids to inquire about their inward, soul-cleaning services.

Intentional words are used to communicate our perspective, point, and voice.  We think through them, sometimes pray over them, and choose them more carefully.

Careless words are so dang slippery.  They fall out of our mouths without our brain giving it the thumbs-up sign. The swinging door to our heart allows others to see what home those words came out of.  Sometimes that home is filthy; filled with bitterness, jealousy, sadness, pain, misunderstandings, un-forgiveness, lack of empathy or understanding, or again, simply ignorance.  Ick.  The list goes on.

I believe my Creator gave me the gift of written word, because he knew my mouth would be stuffed with my foot on most days.  I know how quick our mouths are to run – carelessly and intentionally.  I’ve had to reap the downfall of that syndrome many a time.  Mercy.  My hope and intention, is to not hurt anyone with my words – in person or in this written space.

A friend recently encouraged me to not become bitter upon hearing careless words.  I was sharing with her my hurt feelings towards something that was said in my presence.  Her reaction was not exactly the soft spot I had expected, but exactly what I needed to hear.  There might have been some wine involved in our conversation, so I can’t quote exactly, but here is what I came home with…  “Don’t let your sensitivity about this allow you to become bitter.”

Oh, hello God.  Thank you for being here with us on this therapy porch.  Thank you for turning water into wine.  Thank you for blessing me with friends who speak the truth, even when I just want to pout it out.

Bitterness is nothing new, it didn’t show up with global warming.  I Samuel speaks about Hannah “in the bitterness of soul…” weeping and praying.  She took her weak spot, her insecurities, her sadness, her touchy spot to God in prayer.

We all have delicate places.  Although bitterness doesn’t have to grow in them. We have a choice.  Let’s not let our sensitivity create pot holes in our hearts where bitterness can pool in.  Bitterness is like an acid, it will literally rot our insides.  We can’t allow our touchy, soft spot define us.  Let’s not allow it to overshadow our blessings, or stunt our growth friends.

Bitterness and love can’t live together in the same heart.  Choose well beloved.

Uncategorized

Only Love is Real

Only love is real.

That’s what I quipped to a friend the other day.  I was attempting to soothe her troubled heart and instead I confused the heck out of us both.

“Only love is real” sounds nice.  However, this child of mine acting like a jerk this morning feels irritatingly real.  My hurt feelings from the slander of a family member feels deeply legit.  My friend living here on earth while her son went on to heaven sadly seems real.  And yet the loving hippie says, nope.  Only love.  That’s all that’s real folks.

A friend was visiting me last weekend when she received a phone call from home.  It was her daughter, crying because the neighbor kid had hurt her feelings.  The words cried to her Momma were, “My heart is broken and all crumbly!”   Tell that angel baby her sadness isn’t real.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore a good inspirational quote.  The grassier and more earthy sounding it is, the more I eat it up.  Yes!  Only love IS real.  Preach on Pinterest, a grateful heart IS a magnet for miracles!  Be the change you wish to see.  Yes, all of that.  Add that sticky note to my mirror pronto.

I’ve learned, with age (and therapy), how to process my feelings.  To dissect a specific emotion to the core and figure out where exactly this secondary emotion stems from.  It’s always such a fun activity (insert eye roll).  For a gal who is just trying to live a good and simple life, it’s exhausting yet helpful.

Anger is just Sad’s bodyguard.  Alright, so where do I go with this sadness?

Through it.   When we mask our pain with other things, it just prolongs the healing.

Think of an injury on your arm, at some point after being treated, it just needs air to dry up and heal.  If we keep covering it so we don’t see the ugliness, the infection only gets worse.   During childbirth, I can’t imagine asking for a prettier hospital gown to cover all this icky pain up…push this baby OUT!

When we were going through the divorce, I spent many a night on my friend’s back porch.  She would sit with me and listen.  She let me vent, yell, cry, talk, and when I questioned what to do next, she would quietly say, “Just keep walking”.   Ok Dory, but when I say I am paralyzed, I mean I can barely get myself dressed.  Yet, if you tell me all I must focus on is one foot in front of the other?  Okay, I’ll try that.  Don’t give me anything harder.

Just keep walking, through the pain…that’s the only way to the other side.  And there is another side. Maybe not completely pain free, but we’ve never been promised that.

Numbing the pain only makes it more intense when you finally feel it.  And it only makes your therapy bill larger.  (Trust me on this one.)  Sit with the pain for a bit.  Feel your way through it friend, until nothing is left there to stunt your growth.  For me, this is freedom.  And freedom feels like a healthy environment to grow in.

Follow me down this path if you will….

My husband came into our marriage with the most beautiful blonde lab, Honey.  Honey Bun is a well-trained hunting dog.   She obeys commands like a boss.  And it drives me crazy.

“Honey, do you want to come in?”

Honey –> I don’t know, you haven’t told me what I want yet.

“Honey, in or out?  Let’s make up our mind love.”

Honey –> Waiting on your command Mom.

“Honey, Here.”

Honey runs in.

As a 38 year old who has worked to un-train my brain, this drives me BATTY.  I want Honey to think for herself, figure out her needs, and let me know what she wants and how she feels.  Dive in deep Honey! Ask yourself, do you want to come in to the cool AC or would you rather enjoy the evening outside?  I know her obedience is nice and necessary, but good grief.  Help me, help YOU Honey!

Honey thinks with her obedient head, she is practically a robot.  A beautiful robot.  I don’t think we were created to be robots.  I believe we were given a head, heart, and gut (intuition) to help us navigate this journey.  All important roles, we just need to figure out which will lead today.

When in doubt, I choose the gut or heart.  My head seems to overthink, over analyze…which leads to being paralyzed.  Yet, our hearts feel deeply.  Our hearts know love while our heads try to explain it.  Our heads try to organize, categorize, and process the simple act of love while our hearts simply smile and accept it.

Perhaps they say that only love is real because that’s all we take with us when our time here is done.   After all is dissected down to the tiniest core, you’ll simply find love.

Only love is real friends, even when our hearts are crumbly.

Simply put, it is the only thing that matters.