I was in a situation almost 2 decades ago with my careless words that STILL grieves me today. I can barely stand to share it. I was visiting with a mom who had a mentally challenged child. In that conversation, I was telling a story and called myself a “ratard”. Twice. I didn’t even catch it until a friend later pointed it out. Shame flooded me. I immediately called the mom to apologize, and she was extremely merciful. However, I knew I had thrown a sadness on her that only grace could remove. I know this because years later, I’ve sat on the other side of that conversation – only with a different word spoken with such gusto.
Sometimes careless words can be a glimpse into the heart of a person. Most of the time it’s just a lack of knowledge, understanding or simply ignorance. In Mandarin, the word “careless” is translated into “crude heart”, but I think it mostly falls into the “self absorption” or “lack of awareness” category.
“The mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” (Matt 12:34) What a scary thought. I’m only one sentence away from showing someone the contents of my heart. That makes me want to call Merry Maids to inquire about their inward, soul-cleaning services.
Intentional words are used to communicate our perspective, point, and voice. We think through them, sometimes pray over them, and choose them more carefully.
Careless words are so dang slippery. They fall out of our mouths without our brain giving it the thumbs-up sign. The swinging door to our heart allows others to see what home those words came out of. Sometimes that home is filthy; filled with bitterness, jealousy, sadness, pain, misunderstandings, un-forgiveness, lack of empathy or understanding, or again, simply ignorance. Ick. The list goes on.
I believe my Creator gave me the gift of written word, because he knew my mouth would be stuffed with my foot on most days. I know how quick our mouths are to run – carelessly and intentionally. I’ve had to reap the downfall of that syndrome many a time. Mercy. My hope and intention, is to not hurt anyone with my words – in person or in this written space.
A friend recently encouraged me to not become bitter upon hearing careless words. I was sharing with her my hurt feelings towards something that was said in my presence. Her reaction was not exactly the soft spot I had expected, but exactly what I needed to hear. There might have been some wine involved in our conversation, so I can’t quote exactly, but here is what I came home with… “Don’t let your sensitivity about this allow you to become bitter.”
Oh, hello God. Thank you for being here with us on this therapy porch. Thank you for turning water into wine. Thank you for blessing me with friends who speak the truth, even when I just want to pout it out.
Bitterness is nothing new, it didn’t show up with global warming. I Samuel speaks about Hannah “in the bitterness of soul…” weeping and praying. She took her weak spot, her insecurities, her sadness, her touchy spot to God in prayer.
We all have delicate places. Although bitterness doesn’t have to grow in them. We have a choice. Let’s not let our sensitivity create pot holes in our hearts where bitterness can pool in. Bitterness is like an acid, it will literally rot our insides. We can’t allow our touchy, soft spot define us. Let’s not allow it to overshadow our blessings, or stunt our growth friends.
Bitterness and love can’t live together in the same heart. Choose well beloved.