Browsing Tag

Friends

The Sanctuary of Twisted Words and Tied Tongues

The other day I got a phone call from the guy doing glass work on our shower remodel, informing me he was headed out to the house. I wasn’t going to be there, so I began to tell him that we had also decided to re-do the mirrors in the bathroom and asked if he could take a look and give me a quote of cutting them down. We were chatting about the kind of driftwood frame I was planning to build around the mirrors – the construction and heaviness of it, etc. I told him that I would have to send him a pic of what I had in mind to create, because basically I was just gonna “free ball” it. There was a pause on the other end of the phone and the sound of an uncomfortable snicker. It took me a full minute to realize that I had combined two thoughts: eye ball it and free hand it. Instead, he now probably wonders about my anatomy and is certain of my lack of underwear.

It’s in these moments especially, silence is golden.

The inspiration for our “free-balling” mirror. Found on Pinterest.

I think this could be genetic, as I believe most people have their act more intact than myself or my sisters. We are always calling each other, mentally dying at the foot we just put in our mouth. A few years ago, the baby sister worked at a bank back home, which entailed sometimes answering phone calls. One day she picked up the ring and professionally said, “First State Bank, how can I help it?” Realizing her mistake, she corrected it to, “First State Bank, how can I help YOU help it?” Still determined to fix this she said, “First State Bank, how can I…..Oh, this is Kelsey.” On the other end of the line, the President of the bank, calling from the main branch sighed and said, “Let me talk to Shelly.”

Silence is golden, so are phone skills.

She can’t be blamed really. Being the youngest sister, we set her up for failure of speech, as everyone else in the family spoke for her. I’ve just learned to stop doing this a year ago, and fully plan on having some relapses. Big sister habits are hard to break. When she was in kindergarten, a parent of her little friend called the house to schedule a play date and asked for “Mrs. Mouse, Kelsey’s mom”. After some confusion, they determined that they did call the right house, but had the wrong name. We later figured out that Kelsey had told the friends at school her name was Kelsey Mouse. A clear misunderstanding, as we had only been inserting her name into the Mickey Mouse song for 5 years: “K-E-L…S-E-Y M-O-U-S-E, Kelsey Mouse….Kelsey Mouse…”

Bless her confused, silent self.

A while back we hosted our beloved friends, Amy and Kyle’s wedding reception on our back patio. The baby sister was staying with us at the time and was a huge help in assisting the decorators and caterer. After the reception got started, she did what she was best at and snuck away to her bedroom, hiding from all the people, because sometimes life is just too peopley. It was a beautiful evening, Amy and her party planner did a perfect job at turning the back porch into a gorgeous place to celebrate one of our favorite families blending and growing.

As the night came to a close, the few who were left here all congregated in the kitchen, eating leftovers and recalling the events of the day. Baby sister emerged from her room and one of the guys said, “Hey Kelsey! Were you back there napping?” Sweet sister shyly smiled, gave an awkward laugh and said, “Sometime.” Singular. Neither party knew exactly what to do except awkwardly stare at each other. The best part of watching the interaction was Kelsey’s full commitment to her reply. She knew she had given a random, weird answer, but instead of correcting herself with a “silly me”, she just smiled and stared back until he walked away confused.

Michelle, our dear friend was also in the kitchen that night. Her family had recently moved away – a devastating loss to our hearts and neighborhood. Amy and I both missed her terribly. Michelle is the life of a back-porch party, always thinking up fun games like our yearly talent show, telling the kids campfire ghost stories, making us laugh as she acts out her most recent hilarious tales. Michelle has big blue eyes that seem to get bigger when telling a story, she talks with her whole body, and when she tells a story you feel like you were literally there. It’s a gift that keeps on giving.

Michelle, Amy, and I – Photo by Aurora Henry

Once they got settled into their new home, Michelle set out on some job interviews, one being at a private school. She felt pretty good about how the interview was going as she sat in a lone chair, across from the entire Board, answering all their questions like a professional champ. Nearing the end of the interview, one of the Board members asked if her family went to church, and if so, where they attended. Michelle wholeheartedly nodded and replied that they did indeed. When he repeated the question asking where her family attended, she thought fast and replied, “Lady of the Lord.” Still nodding, eyes huge, she was fully committed to her answer and church – all in.

Michelle does not fabricate stories, just churches. In her defense, they had just moved to a new city with new churches with weird names. In that weird, new city, not one church was named “Lady of the Lord”, however there were two Catholic churches that they planned to visit, one had the word “Lady” and one had “Lord” in it. Sometimes we have to create our own spaces.

When Amy and I heard this story, we howled. We laughed until we cried at the visual of our precious and hilarious friend sitting in a chair, facing an entire board of a private school, eyes wide, head nodding, stoically telling them with assurance that she attends a church in her head.

Ah, but the Lady of the Lord church does exist, as it is now the name of our back-porch sanctuaries. Appropriately titled and truly one of the most peaceful churches that I’ve ever attended. We are ladies of the Lord, He comforts us through the friendship of each other, speaks to us through sounds of nature, and shows us love by the gift of a safe place.

God in us, among us, and for us.

Even when our tongues are tied, our words are tangled, and our lives are sometimes twisted. He knows our hearts are for Him, and I imagine even has to sometimes shake His head and simply chuckle.

*Featured photo by Asher Creek Photography.

November 6, 2017 by texturedsoul

Family, Friendship, Gifts, Grace, Hope, Laughter, Love, Prayer, Renewed

Friendship – The Real Stuff

For the times in life where I have struggled to catch my breath, friendship has served as my inhaler. Stressed? Better call the besties, because friendship can literally breathe life back into a weary soul.

Learning how to breathe is in direct response to calming my spirit. Calming my spirit is in direct response to letting things go, and accepting that there are just some things I cannot control. Who wants to live like a fish out of water, not knowing where their next breath is coming from? This is called anxiety – the feeling of standing on unstable ground. During these shaky moments is when we reach for support.

Recently, our family went through a true crisis. I sent a text out to my friends asking for prayers and advice. They recognized that I was at my capacity for handling the situation, my spirit was stretched and about to bust. What friendship did in that moment, is show up. Showing up isn’t always literal, but it is always emotional. Sometimes it’s driving two hours to sit with you at the hospital, a phone call, a simple text checking on you or a funny meme to lighten your mood. Friendship is the scaffolding that supports and holds us up during the rough patches.

A gathering of friends for my 30th birthday…just a few months ago. Or 9 years. Same.

We were made to represent the love of God for our people here on earth, that each person we journey with may have a deeper understanding of God’s love for them. It has been said that we are all just walking each other home. I couldn’t love that thought more, healthy relationships remind us of the goodness of God, by bringing more divine into our lives.

Friendship can never be authentic unless you are honest and vulnerable. True friendship is the real stuff – not the artificial sweetener that attempts to taste like the real stuff. True friendship is the pure cane sugar of life -messy calories and all. When you find that tribe member, the building of a friendship begins. Growing up, I never had a clubhouse, but this is how I picture the home of friendship. When one shares something vulnerable, it’s as if she is handing you a brick to add to the building of the clubhouse. You, in return, share or confide by handing her a stone to build on. This goes on, in no specific time frame or rhythm, and one day you look up and realize your clubhouse is built. It’s not a perfect clubhouse made of one single material or straight lines, but it is beautiful. It is a place for both parties to be nourished under the shelter of friendship.

When one shows up for another, it’s like having a decorating meeting inside your well-loved clubhouse. Pitchers in hand, ready to pour into whichever soul needs it at the moment. If you look for fault in your friends, you will find it. We are all human. But if you continue to only look for the lovely, that’s what you will see. If one can’t be there today, be thankful for the one who is. They all have their own purpose in your life. Your friendships will show up in all different ways, like a gorgeous rainbow.

There are few things better than a can’t-catch-your-breath-laugh with girlfriends. Recently a group of us drove south to hear a beloved author, Jen Hatmaker, speak at the Austin Bass Concert Hall. Afterwards, we walked outside to wait on our requested Uber. We stood out front, waiting on Thor, chatting about where we should eat dinner. I glanced up and saw Jen Hatmaker herself walking out of the building with her entourage, I really wanted to run and tell her specifically what her writing has meant to me, then I remembered the chapter called “Fangirl” in her latest book. She encourages us to fangirl Jesus and our friends instead of famous people who we don’t know. Inwardly, I rolled by eyes, whispered “fine”, and turned back to fangirl my gals.

Perfect timing, as a minivan pulled up, the driver got out and the automatic minivan doors opened. What service Thor, you have earned yourself a rating of Uber excellence young man. As Kristy and Patricia started to get in, the side door jammed while in auto mode, which caused a constant dreadful sound, kind of like a possum was stuck in it. All four of us looked through the car to the driver, who was standing by his door just staring at us. “Sir, what’s wrong with your door?” Blank stare. “SIR, can you come fix your door? Something is wrong with it.” At one point, Marlo pushed through the other two and started trying to shove it open while saying through clenched teeth, “Oh. I. got. this!” – a word for each shove. Resolved that we weren’t climbing in on that side, we all went to the drivers side, got in and was buckling up when a random lady came over and said, “What have y’all done to the door?” Not knowing who she was or what business she had in our night, we stuck to the Stranger-Danger rule and ignored her, continuing about the task of getting into our Uber. Stranger-Danger-Lady wouldn’t give up with the questions though. Sweet Patricia just kindly smiled at her as the rest of us ignored her. She said something like, “This is my car.”, Ugh, lady…go away. In really slow talk so she would understand and quit asking questions, we replied, “No ma’am, this is our Uber, Thor is our driver.” Done with the shenanigans she yelled, “THIS IS MY *&$%ing CAR and you broke my door!” She was further thrilled when we sat there staring at her, as the situation took some time to soak in. The situation of mistaking the valet guy for Thor, our Uber driver. No wonder the Thor (who wasn’t Thor) just stared at us without words when we ask him to please fix his door. Just as we climbed into the poor sailor-mouth-lady’s car, we piled back out. Back out into the rain to once again, to wait for our Uber – in the Valet line.

To be clear – the next car we got into was the correct one – Cliff’s car. Which sounds a lot like Thor…

Send kindness out in big, generous waves, send it near and far, send it through texts and e-mails and calls and words and hugs, send it by showing up, send it by proximity, send it in casseroles, send it with a well-timed “me too”, send it with abandon. Put out exactly what you hope to draw in, and expect it back in kind and in equal measure. Sow seeds of affirmation and goodness and grace into others, and you will reap the devotion of well-loved friends.” Jen Hatmaker – Of Mess and Moxie

Put simply – it takes being a friend to have a friend. I’ve been on both sides of this spectrum. My first years into adulthood were some of the loneliest. I was in a growth gap, past who I was and not yet grown into who I was becoming. I don’t like the thought of growing out of a friendship, I’d rather be grateful for the season that we had it. Not all relationships will make the duration of your journey, some are just meant for a season.

Pay attention to those who show up in big and little ways. Pay attention to those who support you, who defend you, who encourage you to rise above and be better in this moment. Surround yourself with honest and loyal people, those who know when to push you and when to encourage you to pivot. Nurture your friendships, show up for your people, love on your tribe, and preserve that beloved clubhouse – it can always use another brick or decoration. We cannot do life alone, we were made to connect.

Life is brutal and life is beautiful. The brutal doesn’t break us because the beautiful sustains us.”

October 30, 2017 by texturedsoul

Lessons, Uncategorized

Good things and Light bringers…on Repeat.

Too much of a good thing is simply wonderful.

That quote is stitched on a decoration at my husband’s aunt and uncles home. I make sure to read it every Sunday when we are there for lunch. It’s become a mantra of mine.

In a house full of teenagers, I’m running out of time to be their faithful taxi. This fact makes me sad. One recent morning, I was thrilled to get the chance to drive the two youngest to their activity. I jumped in the driver’s seat, ready to have a deep, meaningful chat – only to be surprised with sleepy, gloomy passengers. Especially the one in the front seat who looks like me. The boy in the back seat was in full support of shutting down my happy as well. Which led me to ramp up the cheese-factor, attempting to crack into the crabby moods.

I realized the only thing left to do was to play Rock Out –Freeze Out, or the Texas summer version Rock Out-Sweat Out. Naturally, I choose the song “Cake”, cranked up and played on repeat, to sweeten the sour boys up a little. I have a tender spot for that song, it’s like Flo Rida sings the lyrics with my sweet tooth in mind, “I didn’t come here to party, I only came for the cake.” Dance moves followed. After a few eye rolls, the smiles emerged behind the looks of annoyance. When we arrived at their destination, my blonde boy gently said, “You take good songs that we like and ruin them.”

Anyone who has ridden in a car with me long enough, would agree. My current, favorite song is usually blasted on repeat. Over and over the lyrics flow into my ears. A few years ago, some of us girlfriends took a trip to Cape Cod. I can’t hear Blurred Lines without smiling and thinking of that trip, or my friend Vanessa yelling, “IF I HEAR THAT SONG ONE MORE TIME, I’M GOING TO JUMP OUT OF THIS CAR.” She still gets a little cranky when hearing it. I just like to soak up the goodness with my ear biscuit. Every last drop.

I’ve heard that good things come in small doses, but why? If I could gather up my favorite people and move them into our neighborhood, I would be happier than a bird with a French fry. I’d expand our HOA deed restrictions to include a Joe T Garcia’s, Casey’s favorite sushi restaurant, Pizza Hut with only thin crust pizza, Anthropologie, an animal sanctuary, trampoline park, and a lazy river. Every house would have a dock to the lazy river and in the evening, we would just float around from friend to friend. I’d have a rockin’ community club house and send an invite to Bo and Luke Duke anytime we had a party. (Circa 80’s version)

Too much of a good thing is simply wonderful. Because we know how life works right? Not to get all doomsday on you, but we can’t really expect for things to always be perfect. So, in the peaks and valleys of our journey, why wouldn’t we want to savor the good while it’s here?

We have enough hardship in our lives, even the happiest and luckiest of folks. Sometimes the bottom just falls out and no one is exempt. On those days, I’m drawn to people who lighten the dark enough that it’s livable. And sometimes those who lighten the dark enough that it can even sometimes be laughable. God has been gracious in placing people in our lives who act out His love in tangible ways. Make a habit to look for His light bringers.

Shine the light on others too. Help lighten their load, love on them through the hard days. Remind them that sunshine is right around the corner. If they have truly experienced something so tragic that you can’t comprehend, don’t search for empty words…just be with them and love their hurting hearts.

Find the light, and bathe in it often. Especially if it’s in your fantasy neighborhood’s lazy river.

June 28, 2017 by texturedsoul